i can’t remember whether this is supposed to be the definition of bravery, courage, or stupidity, but this is going to become my new mantra.
i have a great friend- a real bff- who asked me a few days ago if i am afraid of anything. like all good friendships, she is better at solving my problems and i am better at solving hers. we were talking about something in her life that really unsettles her, and lucky for me, that happens to be an area where i am strong. so, she was marvelling at that and said, “is there anything that scares you?”
that’s kind of funny, since my husband and kids could give you a long list of my fears, including, but not limited to:
-someone leaving the front door open while the air conditioning is on
-holding open the screen door and letting flies in
-forgetting to return library books on time
-putting muddy shoes on the seats of the car
-running out of toilet paper
-not buying enough cereal when it’s on sale
the list goes on and on, but you get the idea. i think i am really afraid of what most moms are afraid of: that anything bad would ever happen to my kids. i live with a chronic illness that gives me some good days and some bad days. and then i have some really bad days. i am always afraid of being incapacitated, and even though i bounce back eventually, any time i have to go into the hospital, i pretty much just cry out of fear and frustration. i am afraid that anything would happen to my husband, because whereas he has managed to be patient and understanding with my illness, i don’t know if i could do as good of a job if it were him. also, i don’t think i could watch him suffer. so, those are always low-level simmering fears.
but this cross-country move is scaring me out of my wits. it’s the kind of fear that sits in your belly at 2am and just makes you stare at the ceiling and say to yourself, “ok- breathe. just breathe.” it’s the kind of fear that you don’t want your kids to see because it will get them in a panic. it’s the kind of fear that i can only share with 2 million of my closest friends on my blog 😉
or something like that.
i have never moved to anywhere in my life. i did live abroad for a while, but when i went there, i was planning to stay for a month, so i never had the idea that i was packing up to go away. i grew up about a mile and a half from where we live now. our first apartment was less than a mile away, and our first house was about 5 blocks over. so, i never left a place with the thought of only returning to visit.
i have tapped the brains of many friends. i have researched my head off (yes, how could i not, right? hahahaha). i have made lists, both mental and in various notebooks that i leave scattered around the house. i have started packing boxes and obsessively labeling the contents with such thrilling and exhaustive lists as: tights (mommy), hot water bottle, extra aprons, extra tablecloths, extra pens.
yes, i really am moving my extra pens across the country. because who knows if they will have pens in seattle, right?
there is nothing in particular that i am afraid of. i deal with this stress much like i deal with others in my life: by staying in denial. i get busy with details (like which boxes my extra aprons are in- how could i survive if i couldn’t find those aprons? what if a whole family of amish girls shows up to help me cook one day and they forgot their aprons at home? then what???). i avoid the big picture. i do this when my husband goes away on business. i stock up on essentials (5 cases of kleenex, anyone?). i plan out snacks- mostly homemade baked goods- that my family will not actually eat. i usually pawn off some on my neighbors, and throw out whatever is about to spoil- usually exactly the day before someone will decide that they actually want to try whatever it is. this past week was coconut custard pie (only my husband likes coconut, but i had some in the freezer…). this is always in addition to whatever we have in the freezer already- currently chocolate chocolate chip cookies, ginger cookies, chocolate cakes, and 2 or 3 other desserts that i will find throughout the week as i force everyone to eat the extra bread we have.
i have heard great things about seattle. i am pretty sure the community we are looking into will be a great fit for our family. i found someone to adopt the compost pile (yay, S.K.!!). my neighbors are happily willing to eat anything i can pick from the garden, since it looks like i won’t be doing too much canning in the weeks to come. we have enough clothes, enough shoes, enough boots and scarves and hats and gloves. we have enough dishes and pots and pans and school supplies and books. we won’t want for anything, and my bestie from canada has already invited us to come to her and crash if i can’t get things together right away when we land in seattle. so, there is nothing to worry about.
my husband will be working for a wonderful company. he is super excited about the job. we will avoid michigan snowstorms and michigan’s boiling hot summers. on every level, this seems to be a step up in the world.
but i just have that nauseating fear of………… nothing in particular.
so, today i am managing details. we haven’t even met with the moving company, and i already have about 20 boxes packed. my house is starting to look like a warehouse with too few staff to stock the shelves. i’m feeling like the rooms are starting to resemble mini-costco, but without the free food samples (my mom’s favorite) and the great deals and stuff you kinda sorta might need, but don’t really (can you say 6-pack of food scales?).
oh, and i haven’t told my grandma yet.
yes, it has now been in the detroit news and on a local radio station. i have told other people in my family- even the ones who don’t live in town. my friends know, and my neighbors know, and i just keep finding reasons not to tell my grandma. i know i have to pluck up the courage soon- definitely before she hears it somewhere else- but i think that telling her will just make it too real.
so, she and i are in denial together- except that i know and she doesn’t.
i know things will be fine (probably even better than fine)- how could they not?
sidenote here to folks who work with the star husband- you guys need to plan him a really awesome good-bye party, cuz he loves that kind of stuff! and it will be our little secret, since i don’t think he reads this blog… (no, really!)
ok. it’s getting to the point now where i have to go pack a few more boxes.
i will definitely continue to keep you all apprised of any breaking news as it happens.
and you guys can do the same for me, ok?
oakparkhatesveggies 
Aug 09, 2011 @ 15:39:51
Change and the unknown are scary. The bigger the change, the more scary. So many of us feel like that.
Aug 09, 2011 @ 15:44:17
I live in Spokane and I LOVE it here! Seattle seems to be a good city too, I think you will enjoy it. I’ve only been there once but it was quite fun when I was there! 🙂
Aug 09, 2011 @ 15:50:35
Dear Julie – on the move thing, I have walked in your shoes. Moved my kids from their only grandparents, and the only home they knew, fifteen hundred miles away. Seventeen years later, even though my mom still hasn’t forgiven me, this is home. I worked really, really hard to integrate my children into the new community. I contacted the new public school in advance, and they arranged penpals from my kid’s new classmates so they could walk in the door and know some names already (awesome!) I made up mailing address labels for them to hand out at their soon-to-be old school, and there were letters exchanged. Of course, now it’s email addresses, but same deal. I got the girls in dance, in scouts, in a new church home. All this while my star husband was occupied by getting established in his new job. I even found myself a new voice teacher. About four months into the new house, I found myself in tears at a voice lesson – things just weren’t working, and I was incredibly frustrated. My teacher was very wise and said “you’ve just made this huge life change, you’re both grieving and excited, everything is unfamiliar – even the names of the grocery stores – why would you think your voice wouldn’t be affected? Give yourself a break, and allow yourself time to make the adjustment.” Best thing I ever learned from her. My point is, you’ll move, and you’ll work really, really hard to get your kids settled, star husband will be occupied by new job requirements, and you’ll be in an unfamiliar place that isn’t home yet, wondering why you feel crappy. It’s OK, it’s part of the deal, and you’ll cry, and you’ll keep doing laundry, and one day, it will be home. Best wishes!
Aug 09, 2011 @ 15:50:45
Since you are moving, you might as well move all the way over here to Hawaii!
No seriously, change is good, and Seattle is much more tolerant than Oak Park! Seattle 1 – Oak Park 0.
Aug 09, 2011 @ 15:55:34
Breathe. Relax. Now that you’ve done that, think about the wonderful adventure you’re about to embark on. To me, exploring a new city is exciting. It will also help you keep your mind off your health concerns when you’re having a good day. Leave the rest to the Creator. You’ll never get more than you can handle.
Aug 09, 2011 @ 15:57:10
Hey, I live in Spokane! Go Spokanites in support of Renegade Gardeners moving to Seattle!
Julie- It’s alright to be scared. I mean, that sounds so cliche, right? But it’s true. I’ve moved almost every year or two since I was married in 2001- Florida, Seattle, Bellingham, Mt. Vernon, Spokane… I’ve lived all over Washington and in a few places cross country. And every single move is scary. I’m an adventurer, so it’s more exciting than scary now, but it was still frightening. I moved from my childhood home of 10 years to Florida, so I know the scared.
You, however, are awesome and terrified and fantastic and worried and going somewhere that you can do -anything-, and that is precisely why we love you.
Aug 09, 2011 @ 16:20:06
Dear Garden Renegade,
On the right side of your blog, is the link to your interview with Murray Gula, less than one month ago. One month before that, you weren’t even a renegade yet so a lot has happened in those short two months. You have navigated the changes and the unknowns magnificently, even though there was, among other things, the threat of jail time!
Moving to Seattle will take maybe two more months and will just be providing you more change and unknowns. (Jail time seems less likely this time) You can navigate this magnificently too and I look forward to hearing the stories right here on your blog. Keep writing!
Aug 09, 2011 @ 16:24:40
Heck yes, the unknown is scary and you have never moved away from your family before! That IS scary for us people who are close to our families. Your feelings are perfectly normal and the truth is, the actual day you drive out of town will be horrible but you can do it. Just tell yourself you have email, skype, cell phones so you can be in constant touch with your family. First, go tell your grandma! Spend every darn second you can with her and other family members. Next, pack a “first night in the new house” box ( big one but make sure it will fit in your vehicle, or two little ones) and keep it with you…not in the moving van, so the second you arrive and walk in the house you will have instant access to toilet tissue! Pack things you will need the first 24 hours…toilet tissue, bathroom stuff like soap, hand towel, bath towels, shower curtain and hooks. Medications. Sponge, a roll of paper towels and whatever you use to clean sinks & tubs so you can all have a warm bath when you get there before you go to bed….will help everyone’s nerves. Paper plates, plastic cups and forks so you can eat at least two days before finding the kitchen boxes—just in case! 🙂 In that box also put a can opener, dish soap and dish cloth & kitchen towels. Bread, peanut butter and jelly, snack things for all of you. By the time you get there you will be sick of fast food so try to figure out something nonperishable to have in your first day box so you can get by for a day or two before making the big grocery store trip. Have your husband pack his own small suitcase, box whatever of all the things he will need for his first day at work from socks to shirt. No matter how long you have been in the new house that first morning is no time to be looking through boxes for things! This next tip will really & truly make your move a piece of cake… Buy some colored duct tape…..one color for each room. When you are drowning in a sea of boxes and need all your bathroom stuff it will be easier to find if you have a strip of colored tape on the bathroom boxes. Choose a color, like red and if a box has bathroom stuff in it put a strip of red tape on the box. Ditto for boxes for every room in the house, except each room gets its on color. This will make moving SO MUCH EASIER. Not only can you get each child’s things to their own room quickly but it will also make getting your kitchen put together super fast. It will keep you from opening a 100 boxes looking for kitchen stuff or sheets. If you have sleeping bags and have room in your vehicle keep those and pillows with you. That way you can throw them on the mattresses for the first night because you might now have time or energy to hunt down the boxes of sheets and blankets to make beds. In the car have a plastic or cardboard lid….like an sheet cake plastic container or a copy paper box lid. In this the kids can play farkle or yahtzee and the dice not go all over the vehicle. Go to a dollar store and buy each child a journal so they can write down all their thoughts during the trip—what they saw, did, think. The bigger ones can write for the little ones (I don’t remember what age your children are). A journal for you too——or since spiral notebooks are on sale for like 20 cents right now those will work too. Buy each child a clip board if you can and a pencil box for crayons, pencils etc for each child. This is going to be a wonderful adventure. You are moving to a beautiful city. Get packed as soon as possible so you can spend every minute with your extended family. Give lots of hugs!
Aug 09, 2011 @ 16:32:17
I have moved across country a few times: from MI to AR to MI to AR to LA to CA to CO and then back to AR. ok, maybe a few more than a few.
I think once you tell your grandma you will feel better.
Just do not do like me, I am still unpacking boxes from three moves ago… CA or was it LA???? 🙂
have fun and enjoy this adventure!!! Despite the fear.
Aug 09, 2011 @ 16:42:19
Oh, one more thing….in that “1st day in the new house” box put a pair of scissors and several plastic tablecloths from the dollar store. They make excellent shelf liners and a dollar tablecloth goes a long way. Especially nice for under the kitchen sink so if something spills you can just wad it up and throw it away….you will have gotten your dollar’s worth out of it!
Aug 09, 2011 @ 16:46:38
It will be okay – I promise!
I was in a similar situation. My husband and I had lived in Michigan our whole lives, and were living in Bay City. We couldn’t find good jobs to save our lives (and this was before the economy went bad).
So we decided we would move where ever my husband could get a good job (he has more experience in his field than I did). I freaked out – I had never lived anywhere besides Michigan and I couldn’t imagine not living in Michigan.
We ended up in North Carolina, and it was the best thing that could have happened to us. We love NC and have a great time living here for the past 6 years.
Aug 09, 2011 @ 16:47:59
hahahaha- i so hope i am all that you think i am!!!! 🙂
Aug 09, 2011 @ 16:51:19
If it would help to have a friend or two in the Seattle area, I’m sure those of us here would be glad to email with you and even meet for coffee once you arrive. Drop me an email if you’re comfortable with that. At least know that you already have friends here! Things aren’t as scary with friends! Hugs.
Aug 09, 2011 @ 17:02:05
I wish you could take a mini trip to seattle and if i was still there i would send you a video clip of some of the places and people around me. The first time I heard about your plight my first thought was she should live in Washington. No joke. Well anyway I will keep hoping things turn out well for you.
Aug 09, 2011 @ 17:12:58
OMG, carol- how did i not know that i have the packing guru on my blog?!?!?!?!? this is some great stuff, and i am sure i will be thanking you in my head many many times during this move! go colored duct tape!!! 😉
Aug 09, 2011 @ 17:14:37
thanks to all of you guys who are being so awesome! i will try to spend some time catching up with individual comments later, but you are all helping my stress level stay in check! thank you all!! 🙂
Aug 09, 2011 @ 18:14:38
I am always amazed that some people don’t really move. They move across town or in state. I’ve lived in Tacoma/Lakewood, south of Seattle, and loved it.
I also loved living overseas. But, like most everyone, I hate moving. If I could never move again I might be OK with that.
Everything will be fine, I am sure. Just remember that the move is going to happen no matter how freaked out and nuts you are. But it will be a hell of a lot easier on you if you refrain from freaking out and take things easy.
Good luck.
Aug 09, 2011 @ 19:03:14
I always thought moving was a great opportunity to eliminate the unnecessary stuff one accumulates. Especially when the more you have to move, the more it costs. But I am not you.
Fear not! You have already demonstrated, in your battles with the city, that The Force is with you.
Everything will be fine.
Aug 09, 2011 @ 19:53:09
The unknown is very scary, but take it from someone who’s moved 10 thousand miles or more away from everything she knew: You learn it’s not as bad as you think it might be. 🙂
Aug 09, 2011 @ 20:17:32
It sounds like you already have a lot of supporters who will be more than happy to help welcome you to your new home! Ahh, the joys of technology. I, too have moved and moved and moved, and I always focus on how much fun it will be to decorate a new place with the things I love. Hugs to you and your family, and congratulations to your hubby!
Aug 09, 2011 @ 21:37:49
Julie, this was one of your most thought-provoking entries. I live less than 200 miles from my hometown in Kansas, and I’m often envious of those who have an OPPORTUNITY to go off on an adventure. My 26-year-old daughter and her husband left Kansas City to live in North Carolina just over a year ago, and I admire their courage and am jealous of the adventure they are experiencing all at the same time. What an AMAZING journey lies ahead for you.
Aug 09, 2011 @ 21:45:19
thank you!
Aug 09, 2011 @ 21:45:42
ok- i’m counting on you to be right 😉
Aug 09, 2011 @ 21:47:12
aw, thanks- and it is amazing how after culling our posessions over and over again, we just have so much stuff! but i remind myself constantly how blessed we are to have enough of what we need. it’s all a matter of perspective!
Aug 09, 2011 @ 21:47:43
so true, so true…
Aug 09, 2011 @ 21:48:29
awesome- hopefully i will have a success story soon as well 🙂
Aug 09, 2011 @ 21:49:51
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh- this is me exhaling. thanks for the reality check!
Aug 09, 2011 @ 22:16:50
You know, I can say, “It’ll be FINE!!” all day…but I’ve never been in your shoes. Even if I had, I don’t have the right to say, “Don’t WORRY!”. All I can say is…we (your 2 million closest friends) are here to listen to, and to cheer you on!!!
Aug 09, 2011 @ 22:28:24
Just remember…”Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all.”
~Eduard Christoff Phillipe Gerard Renaldi, Prince of Genovia – “The Princess Diaries”
I have moved so many times in my life, every 6mths on average for many years, and I have done many of the things that Carol suggested with great success!
This is truly and adventure, try to enjoy it!
Aug 09, 2011 @ 22:34:35
LOVE the duct tape idea! Where oh where were you when we moved lock, stock and barrel from Montana to Alaska 6 years ago and back last summer (talk about cross country) for my husband’s job? I will tuck this tidbit in the back of my mind for a future (hopefully never) use!
Aug 09, 2011 @ 22:36:42
When I was 27 my two cats and I moved from Boston Mass to Vancouver Washington (formerly Fort. Vancouver but someone decided to take out the Fort thus making it so all of us had to explain we did not live in Canada). I took on the move for a new and exciting job and although the first few months were tough, I never regretted it. Five years later now married, with an infant we moved back east to be closer to family. Although it is great how much my kids get to see my parents and it is easier to be here for family things, the people I met in Washington and Oregon are among my very dearest friends and not a day goes by I do not miss the place or my west coast friends. Seattle will be great! The best advice I got on a move like this was from a friend who emigrated from Ireland. He to expect the first 3-6 months to stink, and then it would be home. Safe travels to you and yours.
Aug 09, 2011 @ 22:41:50
What a great & scary adventure it is to move!
Suggestion~ contact a few gardening groups in the area now. Great first contacts and with my last move, these ladies helped me find good stores, the best re-sale shops, AND the best doctor & dentist for my daughter and I.
Happy packing~
Aug 09, 2011 @ 22:47:22
LOL! Just been there, done that too many times! Really, Julie, this is going to be a wonderful thing for your family. You will do fine. And just think what a garden you can grow there! Please don’t forget us! Keep posting when you have the time.
Aug 09, 2011 @ 22:47:37
Julie – I feel your pain, seriously.
We just moved _from_ (West) Seattle where all my friends and family are to San Francisco, where I know no one, due to husband’s job!
Seattle is a fantastic place for front yard, back yard, pea patch, rip your yard out and replace it with anything that’s not grass-gardening!
I had (have? house isn’t sold yet) raised beds in the front yard made out of recycled cinder blocks and bricks that the house stagers are just itching to tear out for ‘curb appeal’ because they aren’t being maintained and look a bit empty. It hurts because I invested a lot into finding the material and planting and sharing the garden with my daughter.
Anyway – you will find a lot of support and gardening friends there and depending on the neighborhood there are mom’s-with-kids play groups you can find on meetup.com as well as blogger meetups and gardener meetups. And there are many neighborhood blogs to connect on, too.
So far I haven’t found the same resources in San Francisco, tho’ I’m sure they exist – it just takes time to settle in and to find them.
Good luck!!
Aug 09, 2011 @ 22:56:40
It is a great idea if I do say so myself. 🙂 If you have kids they will love it….hunting for “their boxes” and carrying boxes to the “right” room for you. Note to Julie…when you get there, scotch tape each color on the room’s door or doorway so everyone knows where the boxes go. Do NOT put duct tape on your doors, it might damage the finish. And get the kids’ toys packed now! By the time you get moved and they open the boxes with their toys it will be like Christmas. They will stay busy and you can get things done, like unpack boxes and do nice things for yourself. Do something nice for yourself every day!
Carol at http://incarolsworld.blogspot.com. Oh, and those journals you and the kids will keep on the trip…scan them and send to the kids’ grandma’s—they will love reading them.
Aug 09, 2011 @ 22:59:50
I guess I forget to remember some people don’t go very far from where they started. By the time I graduated high school I had moved and gone to 12 different schools, not military, just a single mom, going to school and doing the best she could to raise two children. When I met and married my husband, he had stayed in the same area his entire life, but I was from Oregon and he from Montana (we met in Yellowstone NP) and I decided I could move again, to be with him. Over the past 19 years we have moved more than I’d like, All for my husband’s career. He is the main bread winner in the family so we go where he needs to. The biggest moves for us were 7 years ago when we left our 9my adopted) home state of Montana, all my husband’s family and moved to Colorado. It wasn’t that far, but being away from family is hard. Not having those holidays and special occasions to be with them. The funny thing was, that in the single year we lived there, we went back to Montana FIVE TIMES! We knew CO wasn’t for us, but yet we weren’t able to make it, financially, living in MT. So off to Alaska we went. It’s an amazing place, and we did and saw some amazing things, but, once again, no family. And there isn’t any driving back home several times a year. We were lucky in that we were able to visit one of our families each year and my husband’s family was able to come up once a year, but we knew we needed to get home. Finally, last summer, the opportunity came to return home. It was so nice to finally spend the holidays with our family, to get back to the state we love, and be able to visit other friends and family without the expense of 5 airline tickets. I do know that in the the 5 years we lived there, I made some of the best friends in my life and that I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything. I know my kids took it hard to leave friends they’d had since they were little (3, 5 & 9 when we moved up there) and the past school year was crazy; they started in Aug in Alaska, moved to a small town in MT for the winter (7 mos in that school) while we searched for a home to buy (a new school after Spring Break), but my kids handled it like troopers (must have some of their mom’s adventurous spirit in them;) and we have finally settled into a place we can call home.
I guess what I’ve been saying with my whole life story is that, no matter where your life takes you, no matter how near or far from where you began, your “home” is where you and your family are in the moment. You will be stressed and scared and lonely along the journey, and it may not work out, but as long as you have each other, it will work out. I have a sign on my wall that I look at every day that says “Life is the journey, not the destination” and I try to remember that every day. Take it in, take a deep breath, and enjoy the ride. I feel that with the peeks I’ve had into your life, that you can do this and you will all soar in this new adventure. Good Luck!! You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Aug 10, 2011 @ 10:55:32
Your fear is the fear of change, the fear of the UNKNOWN, and the fear of leaving what is so familiar.
But you will be just fine! ❤
Seattle a wonderful city…so much to see & do. You will be near the ocean & mountains lots to do outdoors.
And Seattle is so green!!!!! Great climate for gardening!
Good luck with your move!
Aug 13, 2011 @ 03:18:20
You’ll love Seattle. After a while, you get accustomed to the rain, sometimes even like it! I never lived in Seattle, but I’ve visited often enough. I lived in Portland, OR for 8 years, will be moving back up there in mere months. Take the train down to portland sometime. It travels along the puget sound and its just beautiful. Not to mention, portland is pretty phenomenal city. Basically, I just really love the pacific northwest. good luck!