Thank you to all of you who have been so kind and supportive throughout the last few posts. I have read all of your comments, and your feedback has been very meaningful and helpful to me- more than I can express to you (part of the reason that I’m not going to try; I don’t want to attempt to say something and botch it…).
As the summer drags on, our family will be going through a number of transitions, all of them good for the family as a whole, and all of them profoundly sad for me as a person.
Oldest son and his wife will have some changes that will be keeping them in the Midwest for the forseeable future. My next two daughters will be moving out to the Midwest at the end of the summer, and one of my sons will be going away to school in a place far from Seattle, most likely on the opposite coast. All of these moves are to their benefit, but for a mom who would ideally like her family to live in an old farm house with room for extended family and grandchildren to gather at the same dining table, this is kind of a bitter pill to swallow. I joke that I would be willing to build a guest cottage in our back yard for the married kids to take turns living in, but in truth it’s no joke; I would like nothing more than to have all my chickadees roost at home and I would have no problem funding that endeavor.
But for practical reasons, that can’t happen right now.
So, we are in Seattle and most of our family is flying the coop.
I think in most families there is an expectation that children will get to a certain age and move on from their families of origin. They go off to college and get jobs and live in whatever city they find jobs and it’s good-bye mom and dad, hello independence. But that has never been our vision and that has never been the goal we raised our children toward. We wanted all of the siblings to be the closest friends, and it was a greater hope that they would stay close geographically than that they would land high-power jobs or take over the world.
The places they are moving will allow them greater opportunities for growth, and for that I am grateful, but on a personal level, I am just so sad that they will be so far away from us. I am trying to focus on being happy for them, and trying to just not think about what it will be like here with them gone, but it’s rough. It’s one more thing about life in Seattle that’s just.. just… hard to put into words…
So, that’s about it. That’s the latest news from the Bass ranch. Happy summer.
Jun 30, 2015 @ 13:19:06
I have been through the same. It’s not easy.
Jun 30, 2015 @ 13:51:53
The advantage you have today that we didn’t have when our kids flew the coop was the upgraded phenomenol methods of staying in touch.If you or they aren’t savvy yet..maybe that could be a summer project to get everyone in sync so you CAN chat at odd times while looking into their little faces and then it won’t seem quite as bad as back in the day when we HAD to wait for a letter and MAYBE some pictures so we could keep pace.Kids always go through these stages and chances are…they MAY eventually find their own way home again.Treat this time as more “lessons” to be learned not an end of your family as you know it.My cousin’s family of 9 kids have all returned home to live except the oldest..and she comes to visit several times a year so it hasn’t affected how close the kids are to each other and how involved they all are with their nieces and nephews.The BAD thing for you is most of us don’t face it all in one lump the way it appears you are so instead focus on new projects at home..maybe having a bit more time for you and hubby?We all grow and change and it is usually still a GOOD thing.
Jun 30, 2015 @ 15:22:28
It never seems fair, does it? The parents who can’t wait for their kids to move our get stuck with adult kids who can’t make it and keep moving back in, wheras you don’t don’t want your kids to leave but they are. But it *is* a testemony to your and DH’s parenting that your adulr children are secure enough to strike out on their own.
Hang in there…PS. Did you move out on your own when you were young or did you stay home until married? Just curious.
Jun 30, 2015 @ 15:56:06
Your kids probably never really identified with Seattle, having been raised somewhere else. Their take-away lesson was probably “people move, things change”.
My family has been quite mobile. I have grandkids on the West Coast I have never met.
Into each life a little empty nest must fall. The days of the extended family are gone, the nuclear family is fragmenting, new definitions of family are fermenting which our grandparents would not understand.
Your kids are doing well. Not many can say that.
Something for which to be thankful.
Jun 30, 2015 @ 21:28:25
the empty nest syndrome ……… definitely on my “do NOT like” list.
with my daughers living 1200 miles away in colrado and sons living 2600 miles away in alaska ………. i just don’t get to spend much time with them. and i really miss having them nearby. FB, email, skype all make it easier to stay in touch, but it isn’t the same as face-2-face daily time.
somehow ……… you’ll adapt/adjust to the changes. doesn’t mean that you will be overjoyed/happy with them … but knowing that the changes are of benefit for each child makes it at least tolerable. it’s hard to do, but as a mom we’ve learned to put our child’s needs ahead of our own. and so, we ease our grasp, let them venture out on their own and allow them to grow, make choices {good’n’bad} and support them in their dreams. it’s what we do. we’re moms.
Jul 01, 2015 @ 11:21:54
I understand, my grown son lives in Chicago now, prior to Chicago, he lived in Austin. I am glad for him, but a bit sad for myself too.
Jul 02, 2015 @ 21:10:13
Deb- mine is a typical broken home story. My dad left when I was 12 and my mom kicked me out when I was 14. Maybe that’s why it’s so important to me for my family to be close…
Jul 18, 2015 @ 12:30:29
Julie: Ouch. So sorry you were kicked out at fourteen. Can’t understand why parents do that…at least nowadays they’d be liable…I think. Considering all those emotional wounds, it is amazing and wonderful how well you have raised your kids! You seem to have broken the cycle. That is rare. Bravo!