luckily for you, amanda over at write in the wrong way ( nominated this blog for an award. if she had not saved you, just in the nick of time, you would have been subjected to an overly-emotional post on some trauma or other that i just needed to process with you.

yes, folks: by day i am an ordinary blogger, but by night, i become (cue dramatic music): Super-Angst-Woman! faster to jump to unfavorable conclusions than any rational person during daylight hours, stronger in my convictions of self-righteous indignation than serves me well, able to take leaps of logic in one single bound!

but anyway- where were we?

ah, yes- the award:


cool, huh?

so i am supposed to display the award and announce that i won and thank the blogger who nominated me- done, done, and done (but thank you from me for real, amanda!!!).

then i am supposed to nominate 15 bloggers and link them here so you can check out their awesome blogs. last time i did this i found out i apparently have friends who don’t play well with others and/or i don’t read the right blogs because nobody (except one person, i think) even mentioned the award, and then that person never posted about it (and if you are reading this, yes you could either A) feel guilty and commit seppuku; B) feel guilty and write a post about it; C) chuckle to yourself and assume that either i will get over it or i will have middle-of-the-night angst about our friendship…

i would like to tell you with a clear conscience that i will think about who the 15 should be and get back to you, but if any of you know me and my computer prowess, you will know there is a good chance that this is a huge lie. even something potentially easy like my top 15 documentaries, where i should have a mental catalog full of candidates (as opposed to blogs where i know of, like 4), will catapult me into paralysis because if i make a list that leaves something off i will have FAILED.

do you think i need to ease up like one tiny bit????

isn’t it funny how even a post that isn’t about my neuroses so is???

do you think it’s random how many question marks go after each sentence? because there is a certain number that will just feel right depending on the degree of urgency of the question, and i wonder sometimes how that translates to the reader…

and no, i am not on drugs…

so, back to awesome amanda (who says what i would sometimes if i wasn’t me…):

i am supposed to post 7 interesting things about myself. this makes me (in no particular order) blush, giggle, cringe, feel nauseated, want to skip it, want to write 87, think if you read this blog you already know way too much and you could just each write in your own top 7 so i should just leave blanks, think again i should skip it, think i should man up and just do it already, want to look at someone else’s blog and plagiarise their list, crave coffee, have a headache [from the sound of my own internal voice, no doubt], and finally commit to just take a big-girl pill and do it (for better or for worse).

1. i have 6 pairs of doc martens and i am so freakishly OCD about being accurate and telling the truth that i just went and counted them before i posted the number. and i counted them 3 times to be sure.

2. if money were no object, and if i didn’t live in a constant battle against becoming a hoarder, i would own many more pairs of doc martens.

3. i actually truly enjoy cooking and baking and cleaning and housework. i know it isn’t PC and women are supposed to want “more” and be liberated and whatnot, but i choose to be liberated enough to embrace my own honest voice, and that is to do what brings me joy. i know it disappoints certain people, but i really love the monotony of washing dishes and the smell of clean laundry and the alchemy of cooking and baking.

4. i think my kids are awesome. not just because they are my kids, and i don’t just love them in the way that everyone loves their kids, but i actually think my kids are some of the most extraordinary people around, and if i wasn’t their mom, i would still feel privileged to know them.

5. when we used to write the essay (every year with every teacher) in high school about whether it was better to have loved and lost or never to have loved at all, i was always the only kid who wrote that it was better to have never loved at all. and i still believe that.

6. sometimes i will read back over old posts i wrote on this blog and think, “wow- i was a good writer!” sometimes that makes me really proud that i was capable of that quality of writing and sometimes it makes me sad/mad/frustrated that i feel like i can’t write like that at the time i am reading whatever it is. but i am always proud of the way i stood up for what i believed in. my kids, by the way, are still upset and hurt by the way they got shoved into the background of our attention for most of that summer…

7. if there is one thing i could change about getting older, it would be to get my noise pierced again. i think it was so, so pretty. but now i’m just past the age where i can pull it off, and it’s one of those things that’s a constant reminder of which side of the hill i’m on…

interesting… i just read back over amanda’s post for like the 90th time to see if i could get a clear feel for what exactly the versatile blogger award is, and wouldntchaknow- it seems to be an award for a versatile blog? hahahaha… the last time this blog got an award i really had a hard time discerning what it was, and although i was overjoyed to get my first blog award, i couldn’t figure out what to say about it.

so, here we are and i guess i should have some sort of “acceptance speech” for the award. i love that someone likes that my blog is versatile, because i often get stressed that it is off point. i love that someone enjoys its rambling nature, since that means that to at least one person i am not coming off as scattered.

a friend posted on her blog (in relation to something else completely) the following advice: SWSWSW. which stands for: ‘some will, some won’t, so what?’ and is advice to keep in mind when you say something that others may or may not agree with. i liked it immediately, and it resonated deeply with me.

because when i am in tune with my truest self, i could truly give a flying fig what other people think.

but in my darkest moments, when my Super-Angst cape unfurls, it is things like the versatile blog award and other kind comments here that act as life boats to keep me afloat on sanity lake.

so, to amanda and the rest of you: thanks for joining me in the raft! is that muzak playing in the background?