watching my chickens, and observing certain behaviours, has shed some light on certain things that perplex me about things that happen in michigan.

sometimes a chicken will peck another chicken who is smaller, younger, or weaker in some way. surprisingly, if that peck draws blood, the blood will actually act as a signal for other chickens to join in pecking the weak chicken and attacking it even more brutally. this is why when chickens are overcrowded or in other stressful conditions, owners will sometimes hang red lightbulbs in the chicken enclosures. it’s not that the chickens are prostitutes; rather, the red of the light hides the blood coming from the wounds and thus discourages other chickens from ganging up on each other and pecking injured chickens to death.

cheery, right?

so, you may now be wondering- especially if you live outside of michigan- what does this all have to do with a small midwestern state shaped like a mitten? the midwest is so friendly, and all, “how you doin, neighbor?” and stuff like that, right?

well, yes. unless you get on the radar of any number of local governments.

and then holy star-spangled-banner, but are you in for it…

it has gotten so that pretty much any time i get some wack-a-doodle story in my email inbox i can almost guarantee it comes outta michigan. i love that in just about 49 other states you can breathe without a permit, but heck michigan- what’s wrong with you???

now before you political hacksters get your knickers in a noodle, this has happened under both the reds and the blues. it has happened under all sides of the aisle. if you are a prepper, i can confide in you that i think perhaps the zombie apocalypse has indeed already happened, and we just didn’t get the memo; they are giving it a trial run in michigan. texas- get some spare rooms ready at the motels, cuz michigan may just come a’knockin…

i have several stories all competing to be shared with you, but the one that just flipped my switch was one posted by my friend pinku-sensei over at crazy eddie’s motie news (http://crazyeddiethemotie.blogspot.com/2013/06/dog-census-in-michigan.html).

here’s my satirical take on it, and then you can hop on over to his blog and read the actual (non-hysterical) story:

basically the folks who rule the universe in a certain city in michigan (but you could really insert any name of any city in michigan, because they are all equally plausible in this story…) can now scramble a tactical team in full gear, assemble on your property, breach your door, and strip search all members of your household to determine if you are sheltering any fugitive animals. (i wonder if you could tell them there is no such thing as an illegal animal? or that they just aren’t documented yet???) if they determine you to be on the wrong side of the law, they will publicly flay you alive or some such other appropriate punishment, but not before confiscating all of your worldly possessions and transferring your assets unto themselves, because that is the actual real reason for their sudden diligence in the pet realm; they are lacking in funds.

it’s all about the payday… and the power…and the pecking order…

so do any of you have a red light big enough to hang over the state of michigan?????

it’s getting pretty dire…