someone quite hilariously pointed out that having a post entitled, “owning my space” that is completely blank is pretty ironic. i actually did write a rather long post about making a garden seattle, but i kind of like the blank one better. i groove on irony…
so here’s my deal on that:
i tend to attribute oddball occurrences like that as some kind of divine intervention. i pray fairly regularly to be saved from my own bad judgement. i know there is free will, so obviously i will fall into some dumb stuff from time to time, but when something just comes out of left field, i can’t help feeling like there is a reason behind it…
usually the blog does automatic saving to draft as i’m typing. i reliably hit the “view post” button before i navigate away from the page. but yesterday i didn’t. hmmmmmmmm. the drafts didn’t save, and the post literally just vanished. it’s good to remember the ephemeral nature of most things in life.
i know there’s a temptation to attribute random happenings to some higher power. i know the whole “religion is the opiate of the masses” shpiel. i know that, as humans, we try to attribute meaning to things that may very well be meaningless (thank you, victor frankel). but i still have that feel-it-in-my-gut sensation that there really is a reason.
i don’t think that God is sitting at some cosmic computer and watching me type. i don’t think that He is invested in whether i wear a blue shirt or a white one. i don’t think he cares if i choose mint chocolate chip ice cream or plain chocolate.
but i do like pithy sayings like, “if a problem is too small to take to God, it’s too small to worry about”.
i have a friend who often says her favorite prayer is, “please, God, let me find my child’s other shoe before the carpool gets here!” it is heartfelt and implies a deep relationship with God. because you don’t just chat with someone who you don’t really believe exists (yes, unless you are schizophrenic/psychotic. point taken, but that’s not what i’m talking about). you don’t invoke God unless you believe he can help.
there’s a fine line between the freudian idea of “mistakes” being subconsciously on purpose (i.e. i “lose” my car keys when i have to go to a meeting that i really would rather avoid), and the idea that i am operating on intuition when i “know” something that i am not even consciously aware of. there are lots of great studies being done to show that what we think of as intuition is really our brain processing information that we don’t realize we know.
there’s a fine line between being an intellectual cripple (everything is from God, so i just float through life not thinking or questioning) and being a person of true faith who believes that God really is involved in my day-to-day life.
i know it’s not popular in some circles to believe in God. i know that “intellectuals”- especially those in academia- frown on religion in general and belief in God in particular. they still irrationally cling to lots of junk science, and lots of unsubstantiated claims in other areas, but once you mention religion or God, anything you say afterward is immediately suspect.
i get that, and i’m secure enough in both my intelligence and my beliefs that i don’t really care. i was one of those people- indoctrinated in the stupidity of religious people to the point of outright disdain for them. i grew up in the religion of the left- which is code for “anything flies as long as it’s not religiously based”. i really do understand that by even discussing this topic, i will lose esteem in the eyes of some people.
it’s interesting that when i started this post, this was not at all the direction i expected it to take. i love when i sit down to write something and it takes on a life of its own.
who knows who is out there reading this at exactly the right moment? who knows why these words, in this instant, on this blog?
what i do know is that i am not threatened by dialogue. i won’t fall apart if my beliefs are questioned. i am secure in my worldview, and happy with my outlook.
and, yeah, it might be silly to think there’s a Reason (capital letter there on purpose, and also as a favor to dave 😉 ) why my post was deleted. it might be irrational to inject meaning into the mundane.
hahaha- just as an aside- dennis prager just came on the radio and his topic is: how writing exposes your inner mind. how writing gives you clarity. how concepts get clearer in your mind when you try to write them- even when you thought you had clarity when you began. and how powerful the written word is as a medium for understanding. i wish i could transcribe it for you here.
but as we all, know, i can barely even cut and paste 😉
in any case, it’s time to go wake up and brainwash the kiddies 🙂
i wish you all a meaningful day.