ok, blog readers, just so you know, i honestly think i have some of the brightest, coolest, most interesting readers of any blog. no joke! i love reading your responses, and i love when i hit on something that you guys are interested in!
i realized late last night (got that sit up in bed and bang fist onto forehead thing) that i actually forgot how the whole thread originated yesterday.
i left a message for someone about tutoring my homeschooled daughter. when she called back, i was in the middle of doing a gun safety lesson with the kids. i had some handguns out and i had a few bullets that i was showing them. we were talking about the different shapes and sizes, and how they rotate in the bore, etc etc.
when she called, i needed a notebook from the other room. i obviously was not going to leave the kids in the room with the guns and bullets, and i didn’t have the time to pack them up, so i said something along the lines of, “ok everyone. we are all going in the other room now, and i don’t want any of you back near my room until i’m ready.” i realized that this sounded kind of weird to the lady on the phone, so i said, “oh, sorry. we were just doing a gun safety lesson.”
to which she replied, “a…what…a…?”
and i said (matter-of-factly, since for some reason i blanked on the fact that most people i meet consider handguns as equivalent to devil worship or crack pipes), “we were doing a gun safety lesson.”
to which she replied, “a? gun? safety lesson??? gun? gun safety?”
and i said, “yes, gun safety. so anyway, thank you for getting back to me about the tutoring. here’s what i was thinking…”
luckily she had heard about our family from a few of her friends, so she already had a baseline opinion of us that we were really nice and fairly normal people.
the issue of being me versus being my kids’ mom also came up recently in the issue of nose piercing. i used to have my nose pierced and i loved it. i loved the way it looked and what it represented to me (sorry, but it’s too personal to share here). when i was becoming more religious, i was told several different times and by several different well-meaning people, that a seriously religious person would not have her nose pierced.
whether that was true then or is true now is not the point of this discussion. the point is that, at the time, i took their guidance to heart and i took out the diamond stud.
fast forward to the last few years. i have been seriously considering getting my nose repierced. back in oak park, my boys were in a private religious school. they were worried- rightly so- that if i had a stud in my nose, they would get made fun of. i would have been the only person in our circle who had such a thing, and it would have been a source of discussion (to put it nicely). so, realizing that it was unfair in this case to put my wants ahead of my kids’, i shelved the idea of the piercing.
enter seattle. even the groovy people are more groovy here, and lots of conservative people have piercings and other assorted stuff. so, after meeting literally the fourth person in our religious circle who had her nose pierced, i started wondering if i was up for a new nose piercing.
now, let’s just get our cards on the table here. i may be too old now to pull it off. yes, i’m young-at-heart (whatever that means). yes, i look younger than i am. but seriously, guys, i don’t want to be like that 65 year old woman who makes you cringe because she is wearing a mini skirt and patterned tights. no, she doesn’t rock it. no, i don’t admire her for her youthful spirit. i’m embarrassed for her and her dangly skin and her varicose veins. i feel sad that she seems to want to recapture some idea of youth (real or imagined, i don’t know). but it just doesn’t fit with her. so, i’m a bad person for not celebrating her smashing of age-related stereotypes. whatever.
brass tacks here- i may have lost my window for body piercings. i may have delayed my gratification for the sake of my children not being embarrassed, and delayed it past the point of no return.
i’ll give you another whamee. i drive an SUV. before you get all judgy or nervous, let me remind you that i came here from MICHIGAN- land of the multi-foot snowfalls. i drove a sensible toyota for many years, then a sensible honda. they got good gas mileage and had good ratings on consumer reports. they were, ironically, both grey. very ho-hum and very responsible. then i got married and had babies and graduated to a minivan. and drove a minivan for many many years. and wished i could have had a jeep. but still drove the minivan. and kept driving various minivans. easier for loading babies in and out. easier for toddlers to get strapped in. easier for carpools to climb around in. but my heart wasn’t in it. my heart was in a big ‘ole ‘get the heck outta my way’ SUV. my heart wanted a gas-guzzling resource using monster who could drive down the street even in snow, and could carry luggage for my family without dragging on the ground in the back. i wanted to drive something that looked like i was wearing steel-toed combat boots inside, that sounded like a truck and felt like a truck and drove like a truck. i wanted a vehicle that didn’t beg for acceptance, but just put it on out there.
so, when at long last our previous minivan became unreliable to the point of being almost undrivable, i finally actually asked for what i wanted and got an SUV (yay, *H!!!). and now we are in politically correct seattle where people scoff and make ugly faces and weird noises when they see i have an SUV. when they see my michigan license plate, they seem a bit relieved, like, “oh thank goodness she is just visiting here. soon she’ll go back to where she came from and pollute their earth instead of ours…”. and i just smile. cuz i love me my SUV!
so, sometimes the Me wins, and sometimes the Mom wins. sometimes even the Wife wins (actually, she wins a LOT!).
obviously this past summer’s garden fiasco was about me standing up for me. the kids were proud, but i think they would have preferred to have no garden and an available mom.
i’ve said this before publicly, so it’s no secret, but i really asked the city before i planted the garden. because i didn’t want to be making a point. i didn’t strive to be taking a stand. i wasn’t some plant-your-own-food warrior, and i wouldn’t have signed up for the controversy.
now i am a firm believer that you play the hand you’re dealt. so you bet your sweet pumpkins that when the garden became a matter of principle, i treated it as such. and i do believe that it was great role modeling for my kids to stand up to tyranny (a strong word which i thought twice about using just now, but i really believe it to be true).
i guess what i’m trying to say is that i would not have chosen to embarrass my kids over the garden. i would have kept my desire for a garden to myself, just like i didn’t get chickens and didn’t get a goat. just like i didn’t paint my front door a wacky color (gotta defer to *h on some things!). just like i didn’t do lots of other things, big and small, that would have had blow-back onto my kids.
so, to tie it all together, i am always mindful of how the choices i make will impact my family. sometimes the pendulum swings in my favor, and sometimes protecting the family is just more important.
and that is the crux of the issue.
so, welcome to the inner closet of my sometimes wacky life. i’ll bring the cookies if you bring the raw milk. i’ll provide the frying pan if you’ll pony up the farm eggs. i’ll keep trying to puzzle it out if you keep reading it.
deal?
Nov 23, 2011 @ 22:01:21
Thanks for sharing…it is refreshing to know that some one else battles with choices as well. I gave up my nose piercing because it kept falling out and getting lost…but if you want it go for it! You can always take it out again later, that is what I love about piercings.
Nov 23, 2011 @ 22:01:24
Get your nose pierced! Who cares what anyone thinks? It’s Seattle! A nose piercing is one of the least “out there” things your kids will see. Do it for you!
Nov 23, 2011 @ 22:06:12
I am just wondering what really shocked her. That you owned a gun, that you knew how to use it, or that you want your kids to know how to safely handle it to erase the mystery and mystique from it so that they don’t go “experimenting”.
Nov 23, 2011 @ 22:10:27
You are awesome Julie! And go ahead try that nose piercing again it won’t look odd in Seattle.
Nov 23, 2011 @ 22:25:52
Awesome! You get cooler every time I get a chance to check your blog. I say rock on with the piercing because like someone else said, you can take it out again if you want. I’ve always wanted to get my eyebrow pierced and just haven’t done it yet. So I say GO FOR IT!!! 🙂
Nov 23, 2011 @ 22:41:18
My one regret is that I didn’t get a chance to meet you before you left for Seattle. Happy Thanksgiving…Loyce Turpin
Nov 23, 2011 @ 22:56:26
Get the nose piercing! I’m 32, just got it this year, and I’m an elementary school teacher! I also have purple streaks in my hair. Welcome to the Pacific Northwest! (I’m from Vancouver BC, just a bit north of you.)
Nov 23, 2011 @ 23:18:29
Deal. 🙂 I can totally relate on both the winning/not-winning (can’t spell the L word right now and I;m too lazy to look it up). I can also relate on going to war over principle and soaking up the controversy and anxiety. Great post. 🙂
Nov 23, 2011 @ 23:45:28
Do it! I don’t have any other piercings except my ears, and those keep closing up on me! Kudos to teaching your kids the responsible way to treat guns, not with fear, but with education! We do the same with our munchkins. I’ll supply the raw milk AND the fresh eggs. Welcome to the PNW!!
Nov 24, 2011 @ 00:15:48
City slickers think of guns as equating to gangbangers and crime. They don’t think of them as being related to the obtainment of food or the defense of life and property. They were taught not to touch them or support them because of the association to gangs, and sometimes to meat eating. I grew up in the country where guns were for shooting dinner and defending the chickens from bobcats and such. I never touched one as a child due to dodgy motor skills, my parents were rightly afraid I’d shoot my foot off, but they did show me how one was handled and used properly and in what circumstance. If I’d had to use one in life or death situation I probably could have. Teaching a child gun safety is far preferable to just saying “guns are bad, mmkay?” because they won’t do something stupid if they are educated about it. As for the nose ring, go for it. I have TWO, in the same side. They are teeny tiny swarovski crystals. My ears have several piercings but the jewelry in them is modest, small crystals set in silver. I am not of the Christian persuasion, more earth centric in belief but I don’t see what tasteful piercing has to do with religiousness anyhow. I seriously doubt you’d have a big tacky pancake hanging off your nose so why would it matter any more than a necklace or a bracelet or earring? I know women in their 60’s who wear business clothes and have tiny nose studs. It’s as common as earrings now. You’re not too young, it’s an all ages accessory. Go for it mama, if it makes you happy, because it ain’t hurting anyone!
Nov 24, 2011 @ 02:49:40
Great post Julie…I meant to come back to yesterdays’ and leave you comment, but didn’t get back…
I have a friend who is a home-schooler, and wanted to share with you HER response to people who give her grief when they find out: It gives her children more choices, because they’re not constrained by the current crop of mandates. Even the public school teachers – who always have a negative first reaction – soften to that.
Since her oldest is in his second year at MIT, I’d say she did something right. 😉
Nov 24, 2011 @ 03:45:30
Oh hunny, you are never too old for a nose piercing. Older (50+) women in India still wear them and a lot of them still look beautiful (the women and the piercings)! I kid you not. I’ve been thinking about getting one myself actually, and though my mom is 71 (she only looks 55-60), I think she’d look good with a delicate nose ring. Heck, a few years ago she got her second holes put in her earlobes and they look great.
Bottom line: Do what makes you happy. You are the only one who ultimately determines your level of happiness anyway. You are the one who decides whether or not to choose a positive attitude when you wake up and when you go to sleep. And since you said that your nose piercing is of a religious/spiritual significance, it seems all the more reason to honor your Self. Those well-meaning people you mentioned who said that a seriously religious person would not get her nose pierced are mistaken. It’s what it means to you that matters, and if somebody doesn’t like it, oh well, you didn’t do it for them, you did it for YOU. Do not ever be ashamed of that fact, and don’t be afraid of embarrassing your kids. I can’t imagine you getting a really huge, gaudy nose ring anyway, since you don’t strike me as the type. So it’s really not a big deal. Even if your kids throw a fit at first, eventually they’ll grow up and love you regardless of what you look like because then they will see the individual that you truly are, not just “mom”. And you know what? Honestly, you’d be the coolest mom on my block. =)
Lots o’ Love & Happy Thanksgiving to you & yours!
Nov 24, 2011 @ 06:52:14
Julie, hope you’ll ditch the nose piercing idea. IMO they are really off-putting. You can demonstrate your individuality in so many ways……….maybe turn that SUV into an art car.
Nov 24, 2011 @ 09:22:14
I have always thought it is more realistic for people to recognize early on that there is nothing about them that is ONE way…nor should it be.A healthy person has several layers to their persona and ALL those “layers” evolve and change as we move through life..adapting to the people around you,the changes in your own life,what you want vs what you need and incorporating all those same needs as they evolve in a growing family.That’s “life”..sometimes the current “me” wins..sometimes one of my OTHER personas has to be first..they’re ALL me…so I never “lose”….I just keep adapting to how my world changes around me.What concerns me are the one dimensional people I see..the ones who think they must ALWAYS be and think and do everything the way their parents did it and they MUST have children who emulate them.THAT is terrifying to me.One dimensional worlds don’t really work for anyone no matter how hard they force the point.SO …keep on keeping on and enjoy your life and show your kids how to enjoy theirs..without taking away the joy from anyone else.
Nov 24, 2011 @ 11:28:23
I’m all for obtaining your own food, but I don’t think you can hunt with handguns– am I wrong? I guess I would ask (though it is none of my business) why you own handguns? There are so many accidents with children and especially handguns, (yes, even with ones that were locked up) that I don’t understand the risk that someone takes in owning them. Can you explain? (and i am asking this sincerely though it’s obvious i don’t agree with having them in the house)
Nov 24, 2011 @ 12:12:14
I should also say that i think you’re awesome and I love that you make decisions based on your own instincts rather than what others expect of you. I wish I had the energy to homeschool my kid– you go. And I must say that one of the things i appreciated most on my table is raw milk. I’m lucky to live in a place where I can buy it at any health food store. I hope that eventually everyone has the freedom and opportunity to do that.
Nov 24, 2011 @ 12:39:10
Handguns are useful for self defense. It is far easier to handle a handgun when you’re trained than a rifle you’re trained with. And if you have a concealed weapons permit, it is rather difficult to conceal a rifle.
Also, there are countries in the world, such as Finland, where gun training is mandatory. They also have one of the lowest crime rates in the world because criminals KNOW the citizens are armed.
Look at the crime rates of Washington DC and Chicago…where guns are banned. Gun control only works for those who abide by the law…and it makes those law abiding citizens become victims to the criminals who retain their guns.
I was raised shooting guns. Our guns were not locked up, and they were loaded. What good is an empty, locked up gun if your home is invaded? We lived in rural North Dakota and while crime there is VERY low (largely because many families have guns, and the low population) if there WAS a home invasion, we were prepared. Criminals won’t pause if you say “Hey, my gun is locked in this cabinet, can you wait here while I get it and load it?” As a child I had a healthy respect for guns and I NEVER touched them or went near them without my dad there approving it. It is all in teaching children not to use it. BUT I knew where it was and how to use it in case anything happened while I was home alone and I was very grateful for it. Never had to use it but if I did, I would have been glad for the training.
I do understand that many of today’s children are not the same as children of the previous several decades…but I think that is largely due to lack of parenting! Clearly she IS parenting, and doing a damn good job I might add 🙂 So I don’t think in the grand scheme of things that she has anything to worry about. Remove the mystery of guns and teach proper use of a gun (and when NOT to use one) is a better solution than prohibition. Prohibition never works…just look at Chicago…
Nov 24, 2011 @ 12:43:41
Deal!
Nov 24, 2011 @ 13:49:41
aw, ryan’s mom- so happy to see you still on the blog, and i’m sure we’ll be back for a visit one of these days! or if i can get ryan to come for a visit, maybe he’ll bring you along??? you have an open invitation. have a great thanksgiving! -julie
Nov 24, 2011 @ 18:13:30
Hey nose rings are not my thing but if they are yours go for it! (maybe check with husband but thats a marriage thing and I dont get into other folks marriages)
Personally I am more comfortable with rifles than handguns but I have handled rifles a lot more. Hit all the targets in the army for training but prefer rifles.
If folks dont like the way you look they can look away, if it makes you feel good to wear a miniskirt at 65 I wont write you a ticket. When I am 65 it might look good to me. I think folks are a bit obsessed with youth but Im only 47 so what do I know.
Dont handicap your children by making life easy for them. I think that is from RA Heinlein Red Planet.
Go getem you are so cool!
Nov 24, 2011 @ 20:03:46
well thank you! 🙂
Nov 24, 2011 @ 22:15:53
Deal.
Nov 25, 2011 @ 10:51:30
hi brittany, you’ve brought up my point exactly. having a locked gun in the house doesn’t seem like good self-protection to me. yet i would never have unlocked guns in my house. i’m not sure it’s even legal is it? the risk is too great for children– who’s brains are not fully developed enough to understand the consequences of what they do and who do not have good impulse control to hurt themselves or others. to say nothing of neighborhood children who might not have been raised with guns or “good parenting” or burglars who may steal them while you’re away from the house. And good parenting has never stopped children from doing what we would consider stupid things. i was raised with guns in the house. i hated it. i knew how dangerous they were and i hated having them around. but that’s me in my family circumstances. my neighbor was robbed a few months ago. he left the house for a couple of hours and came back to find all of his guns gone. that was very disconcerting to all of us around here knowing that some individual who is on the wrong side of the law now has weapons at his disposal.
Nov 25, 2011 @ 21:26:14
I like the west coast relaxed attitude towards lifestyle choices. New and different ways of doing things can’t get discovered if only the “old ways” are permitted, and someone needs to be the pioneer who tries something different.
You would think that some activities should be personal-choice no-brainers: whether to grow tomatoes vs. roses in your front yard; or what is your hair length. But amazingly, we hear of places where some official wants to call the shots: Julie’s garden in Michigan or the kindergarten boy in Texas a couple of years ago who was suspended for having long hair. These should simply fall into the “if you don’t like it, don’t look, or don’t do it yourself” category.
Then there are other choices where there may be initial concerns about collateral damage, such as home schooling (are the kids going to learn enough?). With the demonstration that concerns were groundless or overblown, people stopped being so resistant. So now home schooling is both legal, and far more common than it used to be. One can even mix traditional and home schooling, as my nephew did (band, science and foreign language at the public school, other subjects at home).
Finally, there are choices that may truly need regulation since personal choice may create highly negative consequences for others. So we have zoning codes that prohibit use of residential properties for use as, e.g., industrial sites. Who, among us, would feel comfortable bringing up kids next to a chemical plant or heavy metal refinery? Even in this category, there are shades of grey: e.g., mandatory seatbelts vs. vaccinations. Seatbelts reduce injury, but can be considered a personal choice issue; vaccinations prevent everyone from getting disease through herd immunity. Some people claim to be opposed to vaccinations, but how many of those people who are under 30 would volunteer to nurse a sick smallpox victim back to health, given the 30% mortality of the disease, the very high rate of infection, and the fact that they have not been vaccinated?
Nov 26, 2011 @ 23:11:25
interesting points to bring up. lots of food for thought for the readers- thanks for that
Nov 27, 2011 @ 02:06:00
Just an interesting read about the story of milk.
http://www.motherearthnews.com/real-food/real-milk-zmrz11zalt.aspx
I have more thoughts I’ll share later when I have more time.
Great blog, by the way.
Richard
Nov 27, 2011 @ 16:41:59
thanks for the link and thanks for the compliment! i subscribe to mother earth news, but i’m always happy to have a reason to check out something from a back issue. can’t wait to hear your “more thoughts”! 🙂
Nov 27, 2011 @ 16:43:09
ah- i just checked the link and that article is from the very same issue i have sitting in my bedroom right now! timely, indeed 🙂
Nov 27, 2011 @ 21:06:11
I tried raw milk once. It was delicious. But would I drink it regularly? No. My choice, as probably is most people’s, is colored heavily by my personal experiences. Two people in my life have been severely affected by tuberculosis, contracted by drinking raw milk. Case 1: A close friend of my parents, who ended up with tuberculosis of the spine, causing major pain and back problems throughout her life. She contracted TB from drinking raw milk on a farm that sheltered her during WWII after she escaped from the Nazi camps.Case 2: A little boy adopted by friends from overseas. He ended up with TB in the inner ear bones. Today he has severe hearing loss.
Pasteurization is widespread because it has a major effect on preventing TB, especially in children (similarly for some other transmissible diseases). Prior to introduction of pasteurization, a large fraction of children with TB got it from drinking raw milk. TB can be transmitted from wild animals, such as deer, to cows even when those cows are well cared-for. Some parts of the country seem to have high rates of wild animal TB: Michigan is one of those, with a large deer population, and I wouldn’t be surprised if such states are more likely to prohibit sales of raw milk than parts of the country with less of a wild-animal reservoir. It comes down to choices that affect public health.
Nov 30, 2011 @ 00:29:15
Hmmmm wonder what Jesus thinks about piercings…….certainly know what some sects feel….I was bowled over one day when my 4 year old granddaughter told me Jesus doesn’t like lipstick….as far a clothing goes, I am well into the 60’s. I wear the same clothes i wore all my life…however in public i tend to follow Grace slicks recommendation “young people should keep their mouths shut and old people should keep their clothes on” (sorry that sometimes I am just not into dressing for the grocery store.) You may cringe now at the reality of where your body is heading, but as you approach that place you will hopefully have your fine, good head and accept it…and follow Grace’s good advice. I respect you in protecting your kids from ridicule. eventually it is all moot. Love you…love your energy. Go with it!
Nov 30, 2011 @ 11:14:53
thank you!
Nov 30, 2011 @ 11:30:53
Excuse me, but “young people should keep their mouths shut..?” That’s insulting, telling me I and my peers have nothing of worth to say. Just where does anyone get off saying that? You obviously don’t value the youth among us who are wise beyond their years. Jesus was a perfect example of that. And old people keeping their clothes on has nothing to do with piercings. I don’t think Jesus would send you to hell for having piercings. I mean come on, you wear earrings, don’t you? That was originally a Pagan practice too, you know.
Nov 30, 2011 @ 15:33:56
Agreed, young people are the future old people of this society. Young people should be valued for their opinions too. Much of today’s culture has stemmed from youth!
Piercings – I say do whatever makes you feel more like yourself and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for your decision. People are WAY too hypersensitive or easily offended these days!!!
Nov 30, 2011 @ 18:21:13
um, yikes- i don’t think i said that…
Dec 01, 2011 @ 11:00:24
No, you didn’t say that Julie. Mary did.
Dec 01, 2011 @ 22:50:29
thanks for checking 🙂