in my case, that would be zero.

i am terrible at goodbyes. in high school french class, we learned that you pretty much never say “a dieu” because that is too final. instead (according to that teacher), everyone says, “a bientot”- kind of like “see you later”.

that works so much better for me. goodbye never seems to encompass all that needs to be said. even if you rehearse it ahead of time in your head, and go over all of the different things you want to say, you always forget something, or it sounds hollow when you say it out loud, or you realize too late that you should have said something maybe completely different.

so, i find goodbyes not only majorly stressful, but also rather unproductive.

my sisters were both here a few weeks ago, and when they left, i did the “see you soon” thing.

our 7th “child” ( a former student who lived with us and became part of the family) was here at that same time, and ditto on the lack of goodbye for her. we hugged goodnight, and she left early in the morning before i woke up.

same goes for *h. whenever he travelled for work, i would just stay in denial until the day he left, and then pretend that i would be seeing him after work that day.

when he left this time, he said, “see you in a few weeks!”, and- in a very rare event for me- i was speechless. that was just too close to a goodbye, and i was NOT on board!

so, as we continue to be surrounded by boxes, the moving is becoming more and more real. as we pack and plan, it seems like we are actually really going.

and while we are eager to start our “new life” in seattle, leaving here will be really really hard. there are just too many  people who have had our backs over the years, and too many close friends, not to even mention my oldest son, my mom, and my grandma.

so, i am doing a crazy dance of preparing to leave while mentally being closed off to the idea of leaving. i am approaching the move with a detached sense of reality- sort of like a big home renovation is going to take place so we have to box up all of our stuff.

i am glad glad super glad that i will still have this blog, and i will (hopefully!) still have all of you- so i can pack up my cyber-friends when i pack up my computer, and i can find you all waiting for me on the other side.

we have so many adventures to look forward to in seattle, and so much to be grateful for during the transition. and we will be reunited with *h, which might be the best part of all…

hhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmppppppppphhhhhhhhhhhh. big sigh.

it’s hard to be a grown-up.

life is sometimes tough.

but it’s better than the alternative.