i heard tonight on the radio that 5% of lottery ticket buyers buy 51% of the tickets. you know who makes up that 5%? the people with the lowest incomes.

at first, this sounds like it could be another ‘look how irresponsible poor people are with their money!’ story. it wasn’t that on the radio, and it won’t be that here.

i think poor people are more likely to buy lottery tickets because they are more likely to need money. they are more motivated to do whatever they can to get the money they so badly want and need.

and they have more hope.

yes, ironically, the people who are low on the totem pole in society, the people who are often marginalized for many reasons in many ways, are the same people who prove every payday that they are a group who still has hope.

so, what does this have to do with my garden (or my dogs or my blog)?  in the face of every reason not to, i still have hope.

the city is not loving me, many of my neighbors are getting pretty sick of having their privacy invaded, the press thinks there is no story since the charges were supposedly “dropped”, people are starting facebook pages against me (using incorrect information i should add!)- but i still have hope.

my lawyer is spending too much time on these ridiculous charges, my kids are eating way too much junk food, my doctor is probably sick of hearing about my migraines, but i still have hope.

i don’t know why i still believe that everything will turn out okay. more and more i am hearing about the horrors of having a criminal conviction on your record. i am hearing cautionary tales about even being accused of a crime, since with the ease of looking up things on the internet, people will just look up your name and lots of articles will pop up about how you had charges pending. since “if it bleeds, it leads”, there will always be more coverage of an alleged crime than of its resolution. there is no way to undo the damage to one’s reputation once it has been done, so there it is- for literally the whole world to see.

don’t worry- i am not giving up the fight any time soon.

or any time not soon.

i’m not gonna “take one for the team” or any other euphemism for backing down even when i am right.

i’m in it for the duration, whatever that might be.

i’m not so naive as i was when this whole mess started. i know now that certain people are not too moral to lie, and many more are happy to perpetuate those lies ad nauseum. people who seem fine and upstanding sometimes aren’t. folks who offer to help sometimes do the opposite either knowingly or unwittingly.

but, go figure- i still have hope.

i hope that the truth will prevail. i hope that the city will never ever ever do this to anyone else. and i hope that no other city will try this either.

i hope that the charges will all be resolved in a way that prevents them from ever popping up again. i hope that i will come through this stronger in my faith and firmer in my belief in the triumph of good over evil. i hope that my family will look back on this as a blip on the radar screen when mommy stood up for what is right. i hope that my lawyer is blessed with 27 hours in a day and unending energy to help us and still hold up his obligations to his other clients and to his family.

i hope that my own husband continues to have the patience of a saint and the cooking skills of a master chef.

because of all of you, who read and comment and check the internet and listen to the news and sign petitions and make gatherings and do a million other things to help me and my family, i still believe that more people are good than are bad, and that justice will prevail, and that in spite of all evidence to the contrary, i still have a reason to hope…