as i read back over the last post, and then the comments, i felt like i should go back and clarify some things. then i want to try to respond to the comments (which i always read and appreciate!)- but don’t think i don’t care in case i don’t have time for both a post and feedback…
i feel like maybe i left everyone with the false impression that i was a bit more heroic about this whole mess than i actually was. so i want to tell you all the real deal, both in the interest of honesty and disclosure and also so perhaps if you ever have loved ones in similar predicaments (which i really hope you don’t), then you may be better able to help them.
my first time around with this can’t-tolerate-food-thing i threw up if i even put food in my mouth, and that isn’t a bit of an exaggeration. i could sip a coke slurpee a bit at a time over the course of a day, and once in a while i would get a window where i could eat a tiny tiny bit. i remember laying on the couch feeling pretty limp and miserable while *h and some friends discussed that i had eaten 5 almonds in several days and that perhaps i was eating on the sly, because you couldn’t possibly really eat that little. they took turns suggesting different foods that might appeal to me and even though i begged them to stop because it made the nausea even worse, they were so desperate to get to me eat, they just kept saying different foods and combinations, “well how about this? have you tried this? what about that? have you eaten that? did you throw up that? why can’t you eat that? you always love that…” it was awful for me and awful for them and within a few hours i was back in the ER with uncontrolled vomiting (which at that point was pretty much just dry heaves and stomach acid).
when i was finally inpatient, the doctors asked me how i was feeling emotionally about being so sick, and not realizing what they were getting at, i told them i was pretty demoralized that i was so sick for so long and nobody could figure out what was wrong. so they called for a psych consult.
which now that i’ve been through it i can tell you means they have a foregone conclusion that you have a mental or emotional problem, and it is just a matter of putting a label to it so they can mediate it.
but i didn’t know, so i thought maybe the psychiatrist could help.
i was almost desperate by the time he arrived in my room. “do you think i’m causing this?” i pleaded with him. i was so at my wit’s end that he could have told me anything and i would have believed it. “well,” he said sagely, “you do seem rather anxious…” (duh. i was away from my kids. i had been in the ER more than in my own bed. i had some bizarre disease that was killing me day by day and everyone thought i was making it up but i knew i wasn’t and i couldn’t will myself to get better. so yeah, i was feeling a bit “anxious”.) “what do you think i’m doing wrong?” i whined. (ugh. such a teacher’s pet. just let me get the answer right. oh pleasepleaseplease…) but i so badly wanted to fix it. i so badly wanted to straighten up and fly right and i thought maybe this was the guy with the answers, because clearly the other doctors were dumbstruck.
so of course he suggested i go on antidepressants. and even though i thought that sounded weird, and even though i asked him how that could help and how that could have anything to do with what was going on, he very patiently explained that i seemed very depressed to him (again, see circumstances above) and that he felt (they always feel, never think) like antidepressants could help me.
so, i started those happy pills the very next day, promptly got even sicker, promptly came to my senses and went off those stupid things, and never looked back.
but he- and the other doctors- and the nurses who aren’t allowed to contradict the doctors- and my family who didn’t know what to do- and even i – was so upside down that we got talked into me having an emotional problem that wasn’t there and being medicated for a condition i didn’t have because the doctors couldn’t figure out what was really wrong.
and, for the record, the doctors told me i should wait for the side effects from the antidepressants to subside and give them a chance to work.
SO glad i didn’t listen…
but this time around, guess what?
because i wasn’t throwing up and only lost my appetite, it wasn’t so clear cut that it was the same thing.
and since i wasn’t throwing up, the dehydration wasn’t as dramatic so i wasn’t in the ER and things didn’t come to a head as quickly and we didn’t recognize it- even though we’ve been here before.
and this time- yet again- i still let myself get talked into the self-doubt.
maybe i really did cultivate an eating disorder.
maybe i really was just developing weird food issues.
maybe i really was being emotionally manipulative with my family for some reason…
and the thoughts swirled around my head and kept me up at night and had me seriously wondering until i didn’t even know myself.
was it really that i couldn’t eat, or did i just not want to eat?
and i had to keep checking in with myself.
and i kept telling myself that tomorrow i would try harder.
and when i went into the hospital the doctor asked me, “is there any chance you could be depressed or under stress?” and i said “you know what- i don’t expect you to solve my eating problem. let’s just get me rehydrated and get my electrolytes back in balance and then i can go home and figure out the eating stuff later.”
because i just didn’t have the emotional energy to fight this fight again.
especially when i didn’t have the 100% conviction myself that i was certain this was a migraine issue.
because i had asked my neurologist about it, and he had given me reasons why he didn’t think it was plausible.
and they sounded plausible to me.
and when you are on shaky ground people can talk you into crazy.
so now i know better.
now i know how i react and how i get sick and how i need to be in the face of other people telling me what is and isn’t the case. and hopefully next time i will just be that much more insistent.
it’s said that life is a marathon and not a sprint, so i guess i’m on this road for the long haul, health problems and all.
although given the choice, i’d rather have it easier.
when people say, “given the choice, i wouldn’t change a thing because my challenges make me who i am as a person”, i think ‘you know what? then you can have my challenges too if you like them so much because i can’t stand then. i’m good and sick of them. in fact, i usually hate them. i think i was a perfectly good person before i had these challenges and i would still be a perfectly good person if they went away tomorrow. my blog might be slightly more boring but i doubt it. my family’s still pretty entertaining.’
anyway, what was the point of this post?
that it is SO easy to let other people plant ideas in your head. that it is SO easy to let someone else’s reality become yours. that even what you are living and breathing is subject to distortion when your own lens is shaky enough and the outside lens is strong enough.
and that i didn’t want you all to think i was some big awesome person who marched into the ER by storm and told them my diagnosis and took no prisoners and forced them to listen to me.
but for you all to know that i wavered and quavered and questioned and only grew stronger in my conviction as time went on…
and i guess that’s all i really wanted to say.
Oct 22, 2012 @ 21:10:26
I read every one of your posts. I just do not always know what to say but on this one I do. I have been right there with you and honestly I know exactly why God pulls us through challenges. He is tempering us like good steal swords sharpening our edges our thoughts our convictions. That heart is good as gold. That mind like a diamond in the rough. And I know when you are needed most you will pull through and shine bright.
Oct 22, 2012 @ 21:34:39
I so agree. It’s so easy to second guess our own convictions and things that we know are true, when someone else comes along with other ideas that make sense, even if they aren’t true. So glad you made it through with your convictions intact.
God is good, and He is always in control, even through the bad things.
Oct 22, 2012 @ 21:57:23
But maybe the point is that you should have stormed into the ER. You can’t just wait for things to get better, or for someone to tell you what you need. Sometimes you just need to pay attention to yourself and make the call. Which, admittedly, is hard to do when you’re dying of starvation and dehydration. And I am still trying to learn this lesson myself. But you’ve got a good start.
Oct 22, 2012 @ 22:11:48
i prefer real people to “heroes”. since i was about 16, i’ve found that those who seem to always be ahead of the curve are less interesting because they generally have less experience in the face of daunting odds and/or have not been challenged by the urge to follow their inner understanding, irrespective of the logic or (non)sense of it. people who struggle to achieve greatness on their own terms are my heroes .
Kate (Rosamund Pike), one of the characters in the brit film Johnny English Reborn says it best, “I prefer mortals – pure, complicated, maddening mortals. I’ve come to realize that what’s really exciting to me is great loyalty, determination, and courage.”
that’s what i reckon you’ve got!
Oct 22, 2012 @ 22:48:52
Bravo Julie just remember you are a ***PERFECTLY GOOD PERSON*** both in sickness and in health if you ever even sort of doubt that again in your life just turn to *h (pretty sure he does and forever stated just that). Next, may I be so bold to suggest you (and all yours) forget the Coke… forever, it is poison and I love you too much to look the otherway on that. Almonds, yes, add a handfull of walnuts evey day and berries, any kind of organic berries. Please remember another part of who you are, that really good person, and human, you escaped the clutches of the “psychopportunists” they trhive only on force medicating for big farma Julie if the got you they would be right after your kids next, saying “it runs in your family” and all tht crap. I am going to save my last point for a seperate comment (so look for it) because it is THAT IMPORTANT for you and every reader here ok? Peace Julie it will all be totaly resolved in just a few days now, I promise you… the spiritual prayer and drum circles are buzzing already… right now, close your eyes in meditation and you will feel it. Now, on to part two.
Oct 22, 2012 @ 23:24:59
Julie, Julie… julie. Remember who you are, most importantly remember that YOU HAVE SOME VERY GOOD FRIENDS IN RATHER HIGH PLACES that didn’t just come along by accident or chance. Will you do me a favor??? Give Mike Adams a call please and tell him Dynamic Dave has instructed you to go off of “aspertaine” (Coke and all soft drinks – sodas) and to call him immediately about what nutritional steps to take (other than walnuts and berries) to reverse the migrane and poison effects of drinking Coke all your life. Because you are Julie Bass and because Mike Adams loves you he same as I do, he will be totally glad and thrilled that you called.
Mike will fix you up with recipies! yeah yea!! wo-hoo!!! Julie loves recipies, he will give you a few juice recipies on the spot that you will keep down and… get ready… after like the first day (2 tops) you will have back your best “pallet” driven appetite ever and will want to cook (and eat) the most amazing things for your family.
Within 2 to 4 weeks you will be cutting out the other stuff that has been “toxing you out” and, this benefit will immediately go for the entire family too! Trust your gut on this, even tho it is sick and shakey, you know the deep down feeling of truth, the same one that said no to psyco drugs and mind control attempts, that same “sitting in the hospital sick feeling” gut knew better even when at its worst.
Now, Mike will give you the alternatives for all your favorites (recipies) and you will leave the white and “bleached” flour behind, never miss it, discover your yummy recipies are even better than ever, and, such things as adding beets to carrot cakes is exciting and yummy, (and beet muffins “beat” cranberry muffins hands down) that a little seaweed in with the spinach means no need for salt, makes it taste better and GET THIS seems to make the feathers on the chickens more bright in collors, more vivid to the eye and that all sorts of things start happening that make you feel better and younger and more beautiful than you already are. Really good person you.
Then, after you talk to Mike, offer a follow up interview with him and even Alex Jones on the effects, I am on disability fighting some of this too and winning! I am going to beg Alex Jones to send you some complimentary Tangy Tangerine (but cant reach him as easily as you could) and longevity products to add to your “recovery diet” if you promise to talk to Mike, for me… okay? Please? or uh… please, please, *please…. (smile)
http://www.sweetpoison.com/aspartame-side-effects.html (yea it’s poison)
http://www.healthranger.org
My Mission is to Empower You. “The only thing that stands between a person and their own perfect health is information. … –Mike Adams, the Health Ranger …
Oct 23, 2012 @ 00:28:24
You are too lucid, rational and competent for there to be an emotional cause. There has to be a physical cause. I assume blood tests, x-rays, cat scans have been done? I’m not a doctor but I know you are not crazy
Oct 23, 2012 @ 00:38:30
Doctors can, sadly, ofen feel threatened by patietns who know more about their own medical history/conditions than the doctor does. In our society, laypeople arent “supposed” to know the correct names for their anatomical parts or the correct function or know anything about pharmaceuticals. This is why I insist on getting and keeping copies of ALL my own medical records and will bring them with me if I have to. Plus, I keep a detailed card in my wallet of meds, current and past medical conditions of note, an “if I go to the hospital” list of things I need”.
Oct 23, 2012 @ 00:39:54
(Pardon the typos and mis-spellings. My iPad and my fingers are still learning to work together!)
Oct 23, 2012 @ 07:49:05
Spot on, Dynamic Dave! Coke products ( 99% ) have High Fructose Corn Syrup in them ( along with caramel coloring which is known to cause cancer ).
High Fructose Corn Syrup causes Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver Syndrome and comes from Genetically Modified Corn ….. which has inserted in it’s genetic makeup Roundup….a pesticide that causes the stomachs of bugs to explode upon ingesting the corn. NAFLS is the cause of gallbladder disease and other digestive diseases. I have spent 8 years studying this subject ( as well as living this nightmare ) and only now are doctors admitting that GMO’s, ASpartame, MSG and HFCS are the causes of our current epidemic of digestive disorders and cancers.
When I was giving my family these toxic products they were fatter and sicker. In 2006 my son was only 15 but had the triglycerides of “an old man”, so I was told by his dermatologist. They were in the 300 range. He weighed 30 pounds more than he should have. When we got home from that doctor appointment I threw away every processed “food” product and promptly put us on a clean and natural diet.
My son was angry ( since when the hell did we ever get so attached to a “food” that we fought to give it up????? Really, who throws a tantrum over never eating an apple again? )…so angry that he declared he would not eat…ever….again. I said that that would be fine. 3 months later he was 25 pounds lighter and told me that he felt better…oh, and he thanked me for not poisioning him anymore.
The sad(unconscionable) part is that severe damage was already done to his gallbladder and Liver so had to have surgery….at 20.
I urge everyone to watch all the documentaries, Food Inc, Forks over Knives, Genetic Roulette;The Gamble of Our Lives, King Corn and many others that explain the toxicity of the modern American diet….it is deadly.
Oct 23, 2012 @ 12:31:21
you know, even my baby girl (11) knows better than to drink fizzy iccy-flavoured water… (marketeers can sell any ol’ s#1& ‘n’ people willingly mess themselves up, go figure!)
thanx DD for tellin’ it like it is!
Oct 23, 2012 @ 12:36:59
i think the real question is where does it say in the constitution that you can LEGALLY KILL ALL OF THE PEOPLE SLOWLY and with no other thought than massive profits… surely this stuff should be banned
Oct 23, 2012 @ 16:55:41
Well Phil, it doesn’t say that in the constitution, it is however written in the documents of “Agenda 21″ and the constitution was intentionally shreaded some 30 or 40 years ago by the establishment now advancing, promoting and preparing to dance on the graves of some 5.5 or even 6 billion people world wide and they expect the soft kill you speak of to eliminate within the next 20 to 30 years.
Think it’s a cospiracy? Wait… what? really??? yes really, but none dare call it conspiracy (a good book to read between Julie Bass’ blog posts” its called the “agenda” corporate paid FDA, Monsanto, Bill Gates, The Rock-af-ellers and uh… the blinded ignorant likes of the Oak Park Michigan garden shreading City Council – Code Compliance Clowns, you know the silly little minions of Fresca drinking twinky pushers that believe growing a natural garden is just “not suitable” when it tends to promote longevity of “very good people” who are awake, not sheep, have their eyes open and resist being told hey are uh…. crazy for wanting to educate their kids, love their neighbors eat and share healthy vegitables they grow on their own land. No no its not a conspiracy, its a contrived agenda, there is a difference they have been hiding in plain view which means that because they openly talk about they cant be accused of conspiracy and they do that because the “dumb down” agenda worked and for the most part, no one listens or pays attention any more.
So if Julie Bass expects to raise a family of healthy free thikiers who stand up for what’s right fair and just, then they will use the heards of sheep and brainwashed sheeple to try very hard to tear up her garden, medicate her into compliance and only perhaps back down upon figuring that “icy frozen Coke” will do the job just as well in her corner… for now. So, because “once you wake up it is hard to go back to SHEEP!” we break apart that lower slower agenda as the unexpected critcal mass assembled here in Julie’s corner now (and every other infiltratable nook, crany and corner across the globe folks) by spreading the links… like this:
Agenda 21 For Dummies: New World Order Depopulation Exposed
http://www.infowars.com/agenda-21-for-dummies-new-world-order-depopulation-exposed/
And before the “agenda” of the few takes permanant hold, the exposing agenda of the 6 billion people figuring out that on earth as it is in heaven, and all men AND WOMEN are created equal actually means something when “sheeple” wake up, and that we really do have that power to turn things around, to plant verbal and witten victory gardens like this one with these most suitable seeds we sow right here on such blogs as this and we write into the “new constitution of truth for humanity” the “law of liability” which releases the non-viollent alleged offenders from the for profit pisons and replaces the vacated bed space behind bars with the bodies of the GMO engineers and such and feed them their own science. That would be “suitable” ya thik?
Peace on earth, yea we could do that, all we need is for the tables to turn and every little nudge, every comment here, every link provided keeps that table spinning a bit more and a bit faster. e could honestly make the next war (you know the one waiting to start in Iran) the “what if THEY had a war and no one showed up?” Now there is an agenda worth promoting whadaya think?
Peace *people
Oct 23, 2012 @ 17:16:40
This is in response to Dynamic Dave’s reply to Phil::pheel;
( STANDING OVATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Yes, I am standing and applauding the truth of what is actually happening here on Earth. By the way, for anyone wanting to know what a ‘Conspiracy’ means here is the definition:
Definition of CONSPIRACY
1
: the act of conspiring together
2
a: an agreement among conspirators
b: a group of conspirators
In order to Conspire 2 or more people must have 1)Motive 2) Means 3) Power and 4) The ability to carry out the conspiracy.Discovery and Conspiracy are two different ponies. We are discovering that those who claim power and authority are criminally insane.
Way to shake the complacent from their miserable slumber, DD. ( still applauding here. )
Oct 23, 2012 @ 17:21:26
I mean’t to say ,” I am applauding the truth of what you say is actually happening here on Earth.” Sorry about the confusion.
Oct 23, 2012 @ 21:44:17
julie – as indicated in my response to your previous post … my youngest son, aged 29, began to suffer severe abdominal cramps/pain, nausea, vomiting, dehydration, etc about a year ago. it was so severe that he collapsed at work and was sent to the hospital via ambulance ….. and off work for 5 weeks while every test imagineable was run. scans. blood work. you name it! he could not put food into his mouth without the gag reflex kicking in and vomiting starting. weight loss? oh yeah. some of that was good. he could stand to lose a few pounds — but NOT THAT WAY! i’m not sure of the medication that he has been given, but i DO know that it is expensive, and that insurance companies don’t like to pay for it for prolonged periods of time …. so it is a fight every month to get just enough for a few days! and of course, drugs are NOT the answer or solution! you know that. i know that. HE knows that. it is, at best/at worst, a stop-gap method of enabling him to eat some nutritious food w/o gut-wrenching, double-over in agony pain; without nonstop vomiting.
we have a history of migraine headaches in the family. my mom. me {along with my seizure disorder}. my daughter. my older son. i’ve already looked online and am astounded at the info available about abdominal migraines …. which i had NEVER heard of before! trust me! within the next 24 hours, my son will be filled in on this and have an arsenal of info to take to his doctor with him.
question for you, pleaseeeee ….. how do they treat it when you are hit with a bout of it? i’ll keep reading online … to find out if/how to avoid a bout of it; how to handle it when/if it hits, etc. any additional data is greatly appreciated!
{fortunately, he has a good concept of what TO eat and what to avoid eating in general}
blessings2you
Oct 24, 2012 @ 12:11:28
This is in response to Dynamic Dave’s reply to Phil::pheel – and they said i was crazy (& antisocial & a “conspiracy theorist”) back in the early 1980s, when i wanted to eat organic, whole grain… mostly macrobiotic in London, England of all places [the home of self-defined eccentricities].
we hears you DD!!
THE NUMBERS ARE ON OUR SIDE, because as i understand it, it only takes a critical mass of about 12 to 15% of the population to change direction; most profit-motivated poisonous busi-ness colapses following this sized decrease in capital flow.
here’s to a brighter, healthier, lovelier future!
Oct 24, 2012 @ 20:19:32
hi hemmy- i’m going to email you privately. my address is the garden renegade at gmail- so you can watch for it… and i’ll address the rest of your comment in a bit…
Oct 24, 2012 @ 20:39:23
wow, dave. now THAT was dynamic
Oct 24, 2012 @ 20:41:03
thanks for that. sometimes i need the confirmation. seriously
Oct 24, 2012 @ 20:43:57
oh, dave. i love that you think so so highly of me- that you think that mike adams even still knows my name. really? maybe i can go onto his website and poke around like a layfolk and see what i can find, but i don’t really think i have some magic direct line to mike adams or alex jones
but stay tuned for my report on forks over knives- inspired by you…
Oct 24, 2012 @ 20:47:33
you know, i really did close my eyes, and i really did think on it, and i really did believe in you… thanks for believing in me…
Oct 24, 2012 @ 20:47:48
aw
Oct 24, 2012 @ 20:48:09
ok. deep breath. thank you.
Oct 24, 2012 @ 20:48:36
yes. good to remember. thanks.
Oct 24, 2012 @ 20:49:02
thank you for reading, and thank you for speaking up!
Oct 24, 2012 @ 22:52:12
ty julie! rec’d your email; have read it … will respond more fully tonight via email. ty ty ty ty ty!!
my son called from minnesota today – and i talked with him – sharing what i’ve learned by googling abdominal migraines … WOWIE! as i talked, i could ‘see’ him nodding his head – this is the first REAL lead we’ve had on whatever malady has hit him. and yes, he’s had doctors tell him it is just stress, anxiety, hyper-ventilating, etc etc etc. fact is. his stress and anxiety are results of whatever is happening – NOT the cause of it! {sound familiar????} he’s going to do additional research – and when next he sees the doctor, plans on going in well-armed with plenty of data, loads of questions, and with a possible direction to head in resolving whatever it is that has plagued him for over a year now. {he’s lost 60-70 pounds in that time frame}
many many thanks to you and to your loyal blog-followers …. all of the input has been so helpful. on this issue as well as on a myriad of other topics!
really appreciate all of you immensely ….
Oct 25, 2012 @ 11:27:45
here’s hoping he gets the help he needs and this is the key he’s been waiting for! (fingers crossed!!!!!!)
Oct 25, 2012 @ 20:06:21
Really really? I listen to Mike Adams pretty regular Julie and In the past 14 months or so have heard him use your name, Julie Bass, I wouls honestly say no less than 20 times in various reports and interviews, so, want to underestimate your celebrity further or embrace it? Really. Peace
Oct 26, 2012 @ 12:49:29
for real?????????? i’m so honored i am tearing up (no joke…) so maybe i really WILL email him! i honestly thought i was just a momentary flash in the fire on everyone’s radar… can i ask how you listen to him? is he on the radio or only on the internet? i would love to listen to him too!
Oct 26, 2012 @ 14:00:17
Mike does regular sit-in cover days for Alex Jones on his radio show for a start. Actually, if you do just a quick search of AJ’s youtube channel for Mike you will get all sorts of past appearances from the last year or so and pretty much that is where I have heard him mention & reference you frequiently.
You come up all the time like when the show covers other injustices or like when a code compliance issue is involved or things like that I do recall.