i woke up this morning making mental lists of all the reasons i don’t like dakota. it’s good that *h is out of town so he doesn’t have to be a witness to this, since he loves dakota and this would cause him a lot of pain. he will probably read this, but he’ll know i’m mostly venting.
in general, i think it’s tough for most people to not like something that’s cute and fluffy, and most people who come over comment on how pretty dakota is. this makes *h like her more and makes me dislike her more.
why? you might ask. it’s a legitimate question, so i’ll give you an honest answer. it’s one my friends and family have heard before, so if this shpiel is familiar to you, feel free to skip it.
i call dakota the cheerleader. she’s the poster of what a dog should look like. she could be a dog pin-up. if you put a few mountains in the background, or some snow or a rainbow, she could pose for a dog calendar. yes, she’s that pretty. and i feel like she uses that to get what she wants.
which sends me back to that high school mindset of hating her for not earning what she gets.
other dogs have to behave or be good or work hard for compliments and treats and adoring fans, but dakota is a fan magnet. it kind of makes me gag.
of course *h puffs up with pride every time someone tells him how beautiful dakota is, because he has a trophy dog. he’s got the prettiest dog at the dog park. he’s the lucky winner.
but yesterday’s incident brought up something else i don’t like about dakota that simmers just below the surface on a fairly constant basis, and that is that she is poorly trained.
yeah, i know. big shock, right?
dakota has been to obedience classes, where she has charmed the teachers. she has practiced her tricks, and she can give you her paw for a treat from now until infinity. she will sit for a treat almost always (except when she is running away or killing my chickens, obviously)- but i think that the things she is able to do are show stunts. they don’t reflect real discipline. they reflect a desire for rewards and an ability to show off when she feels like it.
*h would tell you, honestly, that dakota is 90% trained. i would tell you, honestly, that she is about 20% trained.
i was thinking about all the ways i would tell *h to be more consistent with dakota when he gets back home. i was thinking about all the implications of letting her get away with small transgressions like sleeping on the couch when she’s officially not allowed on it ever, or letting her stay outside when we call her in and she doesn’t come, or not disciplining her when she jumps up on guests.
but then i started thinking about myself.
i started thinking about all the ways that i do or don’t train myself each day to be the person i say i want to be to.
all the times i yell at my youngest instead of getting up to guide her in the behaviour i want from her.
all the times i threaten my kids with consequences instead of trying to understand why they are not doing what i asked them to do and trying to find a way that we can all win (no, i am not a hippy dippy parent that thinks families are democracies. but i don’t think they have to be tyrannies either.).
all the times i take one more bite or one more portion of a yummy food instead of thinking of how gross i will feel when i’m overstuffed and how much i will regret it when my clothes are too tight.
all the times i watch a video instead of exercising and check the blog instead of calling my grandma or doing a favor for someone in need.
don’t get me wrong- there are lots and lots of things i do right. there are lots of ways that i set a great example for my kids, and i’m very proud of that. but here’s the take-away from this pondering:
if you don’t practice on the small stuff, you set yourself up for failure on the big stuff.
so if we don’t practice recall with dakota each day when she is calm and not overwhelmed with instinct and desire, there is no way at all that she will come when i call her when she has a nice juicy chicken in her mouth. none.
and if i don’t practice being calm and in control of myself and my desires when i am well-rested and not under pressure, i have exactly zero chance of being the person i want to be when things are tough. none.
so i have to know that, just like lifting weights will gradually make my muscles stronger and enable me to lift more and more weight over time, practicing character development will make my character better and enable me to do better and better when faced with challenges over time.
does this mean the start of a new and improved julie?
i’d love to say an unequivocal “yes!” but we all know that would be a lie.
i think it will be more of a ‘one day at a time’ kinda thing, and i hope i won’t lose sight of my goal.
for today at least, i’m going to try to really wrap my head around the concept that dakota getting the chicken was our fault- for lack of training and lack of discipline- and my fault, for not watching her when i opened the door. it was not her fault, because she was only doing what she could reasonably be expected to do, given the circumstances. i’m going to try to be less angry and more forgiving. and maybe practicing with the dog will help develop that muscle in me until it gets strong enough that i can practice it on people (an area in which i need lots and lots of help).
i’ve been watching a show -dog the bounty hunter. one of his lines particularly struck me last night, and i want to share it with you here:
where mercy is shown, mercy is given.
isn’t that beautiful?
May 01, 2012 @ 13:19:15
J- had a friend with a dog like that. Named Dagwood, nicknamed Dragwood. Chewed everything, disobedient,etc. They called in a dog whispererwho told them that they are not acting like pack leaders, since dogs are members of a pack & each has their role. Dragwood trying to be the leader. EBoth pack leaders, you &*h, need to constantly be on the dog, not just one for consistency
May 01, 2012 @ 13:38:07
I sure understand your process…been there a few times with my dogs too…my very WELL trained dogs.Even my dog trainer admitted to us that only with very unusual dogs do you get one that ALWAYS does what it is told.Dogs..like people…have their “issues” and should NEVER be trusted even when well trained.I have a Schnoodle that weighs 10 pounds and has had every training class my big dogs have had..PLUS.She is flat out NEVER going to be able to be trusted off leash.She spots a squirrel a block away and every bit of training disappears and she is OFF…into the road..in front of cars..after dogs 3 times her size…she is flat out STUPID when off leash.On leash..nicest manners in the world….does EVERYTHING she has been trained to do.People are ALWAYS thinking I’m lying to them……as if.Your dog sounds like a beauty but basic instinct is hard to overcome.He isn’t doing it to be “mean” or to annoy you.I imagine there is a switch that goes off in his head when he sees chickens…especially since he has now been in contact with them twice and WON both times.Step back and look at the situation very dispassionately(hard to do when you love your chicks,but try)and THEN you will see what barriers you need to set up so that your “mixed” family can live together.The dog isn’t “smart” enough to be doing this to make you look bad….although having been in your shoes…it sure feels PERSONAL!
May 01, 2012 @ 14:06:39
When I was a kid, my father used to capture pigeons to give to a farmer. (I don’t want to know what the farmer did with them) My beautiful husky would routinely break into the cage and kill a few. Finally tired of yelling at her to not kill the birds, my father had the great idea of training the dog to guard the pigeons. She never killed another one from that moment on, but instead protected them to the death from the local raccoons (yes, we buried many a raccoon, skunk and possum). Perhaps you could teach her that the chickens are to be guarded and activate those other instincts that dogs have, such as guarding. Just hope she will still let you collect the eggs. LOL
May 01, 2012 @ 14:17:29
Dearest Julie et al — Years ago my neighbors who had kids and 2 friendly dogs moved away. The fence and hedge through which they would “play” with my precious yellow Lab, “Lili,” then about 5, became empty on the other side of her fenced dog yard off our pool enclosure. Lili had everything she needed, I thought. Well, the neighbor across the canal left me a phone message that her excessive barking was annoying. (duh) I had never heard this “lonely, bored” barking, of course. I asked my vet — should I get a collar that squirts something unpleasant? Or a couple other remedies. I got an anti-bark collar which tickles on the first bark, resets, pokes her on the second, resets, and zaps her on the third. That dog caught on in two days and NEVER barked again except to greet somebody at our front door.
Fast Forward. I am raising a Springer Spaniel puppy, “Wally” who is, well, a puppy. Very self centered, jumps on everybody, generally destructive. Again against professional advice, I went with a shock collar with a tone to warn him that the next time I hit the zap button. Has 9 strength settings and WORKS LIKE A CHARM! Wally had his second birthday last month and is learning every day. Now very gentle, affectionate, responsible, blah blah blah. But I still charge up the collar every night and the remote which I wear on a lanyard. He can go weeks without the zap, but still wants to jump on people. Just can’t figure why Mom isn’t happy when he’s so happy!
If LOVELY DAKOTA were mine, I’d go the zap collar route and practice with rubber chickens or something. The first one I bought at a pet store was ineffective. I called the manufacturer who sent me the stronger one for nothin’ and told me to send back the first. What Wally wears is a SportDOG, model FT-100B. (Field Trainer) SportDOG 10427 PetSafe Way Knoxville, TN USA 37932 Help Line number: 800-732-0144
We’re still in Fla. Soon we return to northern Mich.
I send loving, encouraging greetings — hugs too.
sportdog.com
May 01, 2012 @ 15:17:03
Now if we just knew how your Dad accomplished that…..sounds like a plan!
May 01, 2012 @ 19:21:45
thank you, yet again…. for your wisdom!
May 01, 2012 @ 19:28:14
Gosh, where to start?!!
Had to open a new window just to post commentary on your philosophical venting. It’s so juicy and full of content, I don’t have enough short-term memory to comment intelligently except in-line, as I read.
First, kudos to you for being a philosopher!
Somebody famous observed that “the unexamined life is not worth living”. You are certainly holding up your end of the board. Keep it up!
Second, about the dog:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Wattenburg
I heard him for years on KGO radio out of San Francisco, a 50,000 watt flamethrower I could hear from Los Angeles to Oregon and allegedly it covers the entire Pacific Rim of Asia.
His radio show took callers and once someone asked about what to do with a disobedient cat. This was in 1984. Bill said (to millions of listeners) “Just between you and me, when a pet does something you don’t like, come up behind it and give it a swift kick in the butt. After a few times, they won’t do that any more.”
I rest my case.
Now, on with reading your letter….
________________
“i started thinking about all the ways that i do or don’t train myself each day to be the person i say i want to be”
You are not alone! Every human is like that. Some days (or years) i wonder why nobody appreciates all my good deeds which are known only between me and God. Other days (or years) I wonder why I have been such a failure.
“What is Truth?”
____________________
“(no, i am not a hippy dippy parent that thinks families are democracies. but i don’t think they have to be tyrannies either.).”
Sometimes a Captain is required to reestablish order.
For the good of The People and pets. Everyone is happier when they know what the rules are.
___________________
General Patton said it all:
(a modern parody and extremely well done)
So go give your dog and your kids a good swift kick in the azz.
It’s good for them, builds character.
______________________
“i’ve been watching a show -dog the bounty hunter. one of his lines particularly struck me last night, and i want to share it with you here: where mercy is shown, mercy is given.”
The two basic attributes of the Judeo/Christian God are Justice and Mercy.
I am thankful that I have not gotten all the justice I deserved and way more thankful for the attribute of mercy. So far, The Force is with me!
But you need to kick your dog’s discipline into shape or it’s soup.
Just saying….
May 01, 2012 @ 19:29:38
Sorry, I don’t know why videos post like this here, I was just sending a link.
But they’re good and carefully chosen, so enjoy!
May 02, 2012 @ 22:08:47
how do you find this stuff? (i ask because i wouldn’t even know how to start looking…)
May 02, 2012 @ 22:10:05
i love all of it- so keep it coming! and i’ll pass on your dog wisdom to *h… maybe you’ll have better luck than i’ve had (coming from another man and all…)
May 02, 2012 @ 22:10:30
so very welcome! thanks for thinking i’m wise
May 02, 2012 @ 22:10:46
ya- no joke!
May 02, 2012 @ 22:12:17
ok, we are currently debating the shock collar issue- but i’ll keep everyone posted on the blog about what we decide. thanks for the idea!
May 02, 2012 @ 22:14:25
hahahaha- we can’t even really get her to guard our house. she’s too much of a diva to want anything other than to gratify her own desire to hold court when someone comes to the door… good thing we have sophie around to keep away the riff raff
May 02, 2012 @ 22:17:54
good stuff to remember- thanks for the perspective!
May 02, 2012 @ 22:21:05
ah- sounds very cesar milan… i love that they called their dog dragwood, and am looking for an opportunity to use that in converation
sad for your friend, but i definitely hear where that advice comes from… i’ve read several of the cesar milan books, but i think dakota’s problems are more from her dog brain engaging against all common sense, whether her “pack leaders” are on the ground or not. but i could be totally wrong on that cuz i’m not a dog whisperer…
May 03, 2012 @ 23:15:18
I personally dislike punishment discipline for myself and animals. I get to take a walk and eat fresh fruit sounds so much better than a list of must not eats. One of the best ways I’ve found to increase canine cooperation is a day of “total attention”. Get some really great food diced up in small pieces ready in multiple sandwich bags. Feed the dog early on the day before the attention day, so they are hunger at the start of the day. Wake up in the morning and give a happy dance with the dog. (you’re so good, pet, pet, pet). Pop a quick TINY morsel in their mouth. Ask them to do a trick you know they can do – sit or shake are good. Another reward. Now the success of this day is different rewards – sometime a head pet, belly pat, some times a nibble of food, sometimes an offer of water, sometimes a smile or verbal praise – you know your dog and what rocks their world. Rewards are quick on quick off.
Be with your dog all day – it is their day of attention. If you see them do something you like, label it and give a reward. If you see something you don’t like – turn off attention (turn your back, look up, get silent); then ask for a trick after 20 seconds of silence and reward when it is done. No negative words just frozen world until they are back on track. Encourage, label and reward eye contact. The trick here is that the dog feels that they are getting attention, but you are teaching them to stay fixed with attention on you to see what makes the world a great place.
Rewards should be hitting the dog frequently (remember not just food!!!, so package these so they are timed out over the day). If your dog likes a ball throw – keep a ball in your pocket (but just one throw at a time). Quick play can be a reward, but don’t let it get rowdy. Frequently throw in a sit command – at least five times an hour ALWAYS rewarded with food. In the future this will give you the tool to stop bad behavior by a command of “SIT”.
Now for how this is going to relate to the chickens. Dogs are super into smell. So it is making all those happy moments in the day linked with the “smell of success”. I use orange extract for success and Vick’s vapor rub for a “yuck” signal. Make this up the day before so none of the Vick lingers on your hands. Put some on two rags and place them each in a zip lock bag (color code so you don’t get mixed up; different pockets are a must, orange on the dominate hand side). After the first couple hours of attention start dipping your hand in the orange bag before rewards. Drop the vick bag on the floor (unopened!) during silent treatments.
You are going to need to decide how to scent label you chickens – personally I would go for dusting the girls with some orange water and only bring out Vick if there is any hint of bad behavor around the girls. You might want to pretest with a towel that has been rubbed in chicken stuff/orange smells and drag it by a string – giving sit commands before Dakota gets too close and reward and drop the Vick’s bag/silence if she touches it. Sorry this is so long, but hope it helps.
Now for me – yea! I get to eat some mango!
May 04, 2012 @ 12:31:11
I’m retired and I don’t HAVE that much time to waste …can’t imagine how J could pull it off.I also have a multitide of kids,grand kids ,cats and dogs to deal with…I go for “simple”…..like an enclosure….up and done.
May 04, 2012 @ 17:02:56
oh wow- sounds very good and well thought out, but labor intensive- maybe i can give it to one of the teens for a homeschool project… probelm is also that dakota is not a want-to-please you kind of dog, so even treats don’t reliably work. if she’s not in the mood, you could offer her a full steak (we once tried out of desperation tried when she was running down the block and we were chasing her in the car and she wouldn’t get in!)- no dice… but lots for me to think about. so thanks for taking the time to put it here, and enjoy your mango
May 05, 2012 @ 00:07:09
It is intensive! but works if the dog (or cat) is on the very hungery side and you are the only source of small bits of food (leave them wanting more is the way top rung restaurants get by charging $25 a plate for four slices of beets, some orange and truffle glaze. It is three weeks before I can walk again, but after that if you want a day from me with Dakota I’m willing. That way you could just jumps into the day ever once in awhile for same effect. (ps. do you get to see my email? If so drop me an email raincheck reminder and I promise not to bug you with any other stuff to clog your in box.
May 05, 2012 @ 00:21:17
Keep your eyes on the prize
May 06, 2012 @ 01:23:34
where else???
May 06, 2012 @ 01:25:28
i do see your email- i’ll run it by *h and let you know! thanks for the generous offer!